How To Cash In On Your ‘Ailment Capital'

Written by Rev. James L. Snyder

Continued from page 1

By this time, I was becoming a little discouraged and wondered if I would ever be able to tell my story. Then I had a brilliant idea. I mentioned that while inrepparttar hospital I suffered a severe case of diarrhea. I could not imagine anybody trying to upstage someone with diarrhea. Boy, was I wrong.

“Diarrhea? Did you say diarrhea?" I slowly nodded my head inrepparttar 118067 affirmative.

"When I was inrepparttar 118068 hospital I had such a severe case of diarrhea that I stayed onrepparttar 118069 toilet for 30 days without getting up. My doctor told me it wasrepparttar 118070 severest case of diarrhea he had ever read about."

By this time I despaired ever cashing in any of my "ailment capital." It seems such a shame for all that capital to go to waste. I thought I should give it at least one more try.

Refusing to quit just yet, whenrepparttar 118071 next lull inrepparttar 118072 conversation came I was ready.

"When I came intorepparttar 118073 hospital," I chirped enthusiastically, "the doctor thought I was having a heart attack ..."

"Heart attack? Did I hear you talk about having a heart attack? Three years ago, they rushed me torepparttar 118074 hospital because I was having a real heart attack. The ambulance driver didn't think he would get torepparttar 118075 hospital in time."

If I thought he was done with this story, I thought wrong.

"My heart attack was so bad I had 17 bypasses. And it was so serious that whenrepparttar 118076 heart surgeon opened up my chest my heart attacked him."

I gave up. It's a wise person who knows when he's been beat — and I've been beat.

"My doctor said," this person continued despite my obvious disinterest, "that my heart attack wasrepparttar 118077 worse heart attack he had ever heard of in allrepparttar 118078 years of practicing medicine."

I suppose I'll have to bank my "ailment capital" and save it for a rainy day. Or at least, when I can find some unsuspecting person to tell my story to.

For me,repparttar 118079 worst thing inrepparttar 118080 world is having something exciting to talk about and no audience eager to listen.

I must confess being a little discouraged when a thought hit me. I do have an audience.

The Bible declares, "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. Andrepparttar 118081 peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7 KJV.)

No matter what is on my mind at any time ofrepparttar 118082 day, I have access torepparttar 118083 greatest ears inrepparttar 118084 world. By pouring out my heart to God, He replaces it with peace. What a great deal.

Reverend James L. Snyder is currently ministering at the "Family of God Fellowship" in Ocala, Florida. More of his articles are available for reprint at his website: Rev. Snyder is available as a guest speaker. He writes a weekly column and is the author of "Romance Around a Parsonage Fireplace" available at:


Written by Samantha Tooting-Beck

Continued from page 1

Naturally,repparttar fools -- those who didn’t celebraterepparttar 118066 New Year in January but liked a lot of hoopla to markrepparttar 118067 birth of spring -- gotrepparttar 118068 short end ofrepparttar 118069 stick. But pucks (and for that matter pixies) should never be under-estimated.

January, June or whatever...what's a mundane month or two either way among friends? People, people, people's time to let go of all that linear thinking and cogitate outsiderepparttar 118070 box or color beyondrepparttar 118071 lines for pity's sake!!

Which reminds me, who else but a fool can be relied upon to rush in where wise men never go? Byrepparttar 118072 way, Mars has gone retrograde so don’t act on that tip about a gold scheme inrepparttar 118073 jungles of Indonesia …unless of course you dream of playing with funny money in a place called “Fool’s Paradise”!

Poppycock problems always demand super-sized solutions, so fools got down to business. Turning tables on twits and twerps, not to mention Tweedledees & Tweedledums, seemed like good idea atrepparttar 118074 time.

And, thanks to those playful pranks on “All Fools Day”, tickling funnybones is infinitely more entertaining than snapping chicken (wish)bones.

So toss your troubles inrepparttar 118075 trashcan, face down your fear making a fool of yourself in public, and start handing out your own "frequent featherbrain" or "frequent flubber” cards!

After all, what better way to honor our "Inner Fool" thanrepparttar 118076 gift of glee. So get out there and enjoy a lick of laughter, a jolt of joy, or maybe a taste of titillation at least one day a year!

Samantha Tooting-Beck, an avid April Fools' Day prankster and puckish pixie with a very fertile imagaination who spends way too much time in the cockamamie Court of the Quipping Queen at

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