How Optimism can Help – or Hurt – Your Marriage

Written by Dr. Tony Fiore


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Pessimistic scenario

Unlike Optimists, pessimistic partners make permanent and pervasive explanations to themselves when bad events occur. (Conversely, they make temporary and specific explanations to themselves when good events occur.)

See what happens when Susie is late coming home fromrepparttar office. Husband Jim explains to himself that “she cares more about work than about me!” Susie explains to herself Jim is sulking because “he is ungrateful forrepparttar 111056 big paycheck I bring home!” and tells him so.

Jim defends himself by saying: “You never listen to me when I try and tell you how I feel!” Susie, being a pessimist, responds: “You’re nothing but a crybaby!”

Optimistic Scenario

Either partner could have stopped this negative spiral by interpreting events differently. Jim could have interpreted Susie’s lateness as a sign of what a hard worker she is and noted she is usually on time. Jim could have seen that her lateness had nothing to do with her love for him, remembering allrepparttar 111057 times inrepparttar 111058 past that Susie has put his needs first.

Susie if she had been an optimist could have seen that Jim’s sulking was a temporary state rather than a character flaw and tried to pull him out of it by pointing out that she really wanted to get home earlier, but her big account unexpectedly dropped by at 5 o’clock.

The optimistic marriage

The message is clear from both clinical experience and research; optimism helps marriage. When your partner does something that displeases you, try hard to find a believable, temporary, and specific explanation for it, i.e.: “He was tired;” “She must really be stressed,” instead of “He’s always inattentive,” or “He’s a grouch.”

Onrepparttar 111059 other hand, when your partner does something great, amplify it with plausible explanations that are permanent (always) and pervasive (character traits), i.e.: “She is brilliant,” or “She is always atrepparttar 111060 top of her game,” as opposed to “The opposition caved in,” or “What a lucky day she had.”

Dr. Tony Fiore is a So. California licensed psychologist, and anger management trainer. His company, The Anger Coach, provides anger and stress management programs, training and products to individuals, couples, and the workplace. Sign up for his free monthly newsletter "Taming The Anger Bee" at www.angercoach.com and receive two bonus reports.


Perfect Picnics - Frugal Food Safety Tips

Written by Cyndi Roberts


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6. If you're planning to cook hamburgers atrepparttar picnic site, shape your meat into patties and freeze before putting intorepparttar 111055 cooler. Take along a meat thermometer to be sure you cookrepparttar 111056 meat to an internal temperature of at least 160 degrees.

7. An extra zip-top bag full of ice can be placed inrepparttar 111057 top ofrepparttar 111058 cooler. The extra ice will come in handy forrepparttar 111059 trip home. If your day is a long one, andrepparttar 111060 ice meltsrepparttar 111061 cold water can come in handy, also.

8. Carry your cooler inside your car, instead of in your hot trunk and be sure to place it in a shady spot and maybe even cover it with a blanket when you reach your destination. Open it only when necessary.

9. Instead of bringing whole jars of condiments, pack what you will need into smaller plastic containers.

10. Bring lots of clean utensils for serving as well as eating. Pack pre-moistened towelettes and paper towels for easy cleanup.

11. And remember this rule fromrepparttar 111062 U.S. Department of Agriculture regarding leftovers: When in doubt, throw it out!



Cyndi Roberts has been happily married to her best friend for 34 years and is a proud mother of 3. In her newsletter, "1 Frugal Friend 2 Another" she uses her years of experience as a wife, mother and chief budget officer to help others learn how to "live the good life...on a budget!" To subscribe, visit her online at http://www.cynroberts.com


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