This is, quite simply, everyday person doing her or his job. He’s motivated because he’s motivated.

HOW TO STAY FOCUSED

Now that you have your own distractions in perspective, here are some tips on how to put aside things that might interfere with your task at hand – get them out of your sight, sound and mind.

·Turn off sound on your computer so you don't hear "You've got mail."

·Read your email at scheduled times during day. Otherwise ignore it, and don't chase rabbits - people send us enticing emails of all sorts - from Chadwicks got sweaters on sale, to latest 'funny' you've GOT to send to your friend, to requests for information, to invitations to parties.

·Figure out what helps you concentrate best and insist on it -- you may need music, you may need silence, you may work better in morning ... figure these things out.

·Know what your values and priorities are and be able to touchbase with them at any given time.

.Use DND button on your phone, and let your admin assistant screen calls and people. ·Train your loved ones. When someone understands that when it's their turn they will have your full, undivided attention and get what they need and want, they are far more likely to be able to wait for quality time.

·Don't listen to everyone else's advice. Nothing will pull you off-focus more.

·For special projects, and when you're first learning, hire a coach. This gives you knowledge, practice, accountability, and expert guidance.

·Take care of yourself and build reserves. You can't concentrate if you're too tired, too lonely, too hungry, too thirsty, etc.

·WRITE THIS ON YOUR SHOE (j.k.): "My job is to raise money" if, for instance, you're a fundraiser. This will remind you as you enter office and all that stuff starts coming at you, what your real job is and how you should set priorities and concentrate your time.

·WRITE THIS ON THE 'FRIG: "I want to have a good marriage." These little reminders will keep you focused!

When you see them, these messages, you'll be reminded to stop and think about what you're doing to see if it's going to further your intent.

Intentionality is a high-level emotional intelligence competency that requires focus, and focus requires that old-fashioned thing called “discipline.”

5. Avoidance: Deal with it by refusal to encounter situations because they represent ^unconscious sexual or aggressive impulses^. VA: Well, that would be Valentine's Day. You could cancel your own personal one.

6. Compensation: Encountering failure in one sphere of activity (like love life?), you over-emphasize another. VA: Let's do a clean-the-house marathon, or workout for 5 hours after work Friday. 7. Self-assertion: Expressing feelings and thoughts directly, non-manipulatively. VA: Go for it! Ask that cute new HR director out.

8. Sublimation: Attenuating force of an ^instinctual drive^ by using energy in other, constructive activities. VA: So, we work late Valentine's Day, finishing up a primo project, or go home and write poetry or paint. Good idea?

9. Intellectualization: Deal with it by excessive use of abstract thinking or making generalizations to minimize disturbing feelings. VA: We could talk about how nearly half other adults in US are also single, and it ain't so bad. Anyway it's not bothering ME. How about that?

LET'S AVOID THESE ONES:

1. Conversion: Turn it into a physical symptom "involving portions of body innervated by sensory or motor nerves." VA: No getting of paralyzed arms because you'd really like to sock your ex.

2. Deflection: Redirecting attention to someone else. VA: Don't need to talk about "Loser-boy Tom." We can deal with our own stuff!

3. Identification: Unconscious modeling of one's self upon another person. VA: Sandra's got a great husband and she's going to Quebec for Valentine's weekend, but that doesn't mean we have to dress and talk like her all week without ^being aware of it^.

4. Displacement: Change in object by which ^instinctual drive^ is to be satisfied. VA: Having been abandoned by your boyfriend, resist all urges to vent your anger on your room-mate! Keep your people and your emotions straight, ok? (EQ course available--www.susandunn.cc/courses.htm.)

5. Help-Rejecting Complaining: Requesting help and then rejecting it. VA: (I think that's whining, and playing victim, don't you?)

6. Acting Out: Dealing with it by actions rather than reflections of feelings. VA: Don't get crabby and kick dog, or go out and get drunk.

7. Projection: Attributing one's thoughts or impulses to another person. VA: No, your mother isn't mad at YOU, YOU'RE mad at your GIRLFRIEND. Keeping people and feelings straight again.

8. Regression: Suffering loss of some of development already attained and reverting to lower level of adaptation and expression. VA: None of that!

9. Autistic Fantasy: Deal with it by excessive daydreaming as a substitute for human relationships, more effective action, or problem solving. VA: This is why we all hate Freud!!

P.S. Work in an office? Send yourself flowers. Like half those other girls aren't doing that?

©Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach, offers coaching and Internet courses for your personal and professional development. www.susandunn.cc and mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE ezine. Give yourself what you've always wanted--a coach! Valentine's gift certificates available.