How Can I Get My Partner To Change?

Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.


Continued from page 1

“Do I need to stop reacting to my partner with compliance, resistance, withdrawal, blame, lectures, explanations, nagging or anger?”

These protective, controlling ways of responding to conflict will always exacerbaterepparttar conflict and make us feel badly within. The wounded part of us believes we can get love and avoid pain with these protective behaviors, but in reality it is often these behaviors that are actually causing our own pain. None of these behaviors are loving to ourselves, nor are we taking personal responsibility for our own feelings and well-being when we behave in these controlling ways.

“In what ways do I need to be more loving, caring, understanding and attentive to myself - to my own feelings?”

Often we project onto our partnerrepparttar 111129 inner unhappiness that results from not taking loving care of ourselves. Instead of trying to get our partner to me more loving, open and attentive, we need to focus on being open, loving, kind and attentive with ourselves and with our partner.

“Do I need to take specific action, such as changingrepparttar 111130 way we handle money, orrepparttar 111131 way we deal with getting places on time? How can I take care of myself in these kinds of conflicts so that I don’t feel like a victim?”

Anytime we blame another for our unhappiness, we are being a victim. Moving out of being a victim means taking loving action for ourselves so we are no longer frustrated withrepparttar 111132 situation.

“Do I need to be willing to explore with my partnerrepparttar 111133 underlying reasons for a lack of intimacy or sexuality? Am I willing to be open to learning with my partner, or am I stuck in just trying to control?

Opening to learning with your partner can be magical regarding creating intimacy and resolving conflict. While you cannot make your partner be open to learning, if you open to learning yourself, you might discoverrepparttar 111134 power you have to change your relationship.

When you move out of seeing yourself as a victim of your partner’s behavior and into taking loving action on your own behalf, you may be surprised atrepparttar 111135 changes that occur inrepparttar 111136 relationship. Most conflict is stuck in power struggles that result from each person trying to control with some form blame, anger, resistance, withdrawal, or compliance. When you stop your end ofrepparttar 111137 power struggle and start to take care of yourself, as well as open to learning with your partner,repparttar 111138 possibility opens for great change to occur.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?", "Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com


Looking Back

Written by Rosalyn Bronstein


Continued from page 1

Life is made up of these experiences and unique connections, and our perceptions and thoughts have a lot to do withrepparttar quality of our memories. Friends can spend an afternoon together and yet come away with different feelings about that time. Each brings his own experiences to each event, and future events can only be viewed in terms ofrepparttar 111128 feelings developed inrepparttar 111129 past. Like a bridge,repparttar 111130 previous one shapes each current moment. Building one on another, they mold into shapingrepparttar 111131 uniqueness of each individual.

We rememberrepparttar 111132 special qualities of our family members and our friends –repparttar 111133 quirkiness,repparttar 111134 charm,repparttar 111135 brilliance, and allrepparttar 111136 things that draw us to them. Each, in their own way, has something to contribute to enhance our lives and make them better. We only need to look back and shape our present with positive thoughts fromrepparttar 111137 past.



Rosalyn Bronstein, for more than 20 years an author and consultant, has been an advisor to numerous multinational corporations and international organizations. Understanding the value of maintaining relationships, www.ntouchnrat.com was created. It’s a unique and secure way to never lose touch again with the people who have brought meaning to your life without having to use e-mail.




    <Back to Page 1
 
ImproveHomeLife.com © 2005
Terms of Use