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Don't let anyone tell you that search engines will penalise you for over submitting or for linking to pages not designed for human beings (yes, they can tell difference). I'm not exactly sure how technology works to get you a negative listing.
5. Advertise, don't advertise
Advertise your standard off-the-peg, tried-and-tested advert that came with "program", complete with your long URL with your little number on end, everywhere, anywhere.
Don't worry about it being ignored because it's same as everyone else's that appears right next to it day in, day out. Don't worry about cheaters knocking your little numbers off and doing you out of your 75 cent commission and most of all don't offer your goods in exactly right market.
Where is that, I wonder? You'll never need to know.
When you do find a good, well-written, original, benefit packed and correctly formatted ad, only ever use it once. That will be enough for whole world to see it and make you rich.
6. Send spam
Lots of it! This is great, and does double-duty instead of informative newsletters or pesky advertising. Buy specially cleaned lists of "safe" names and addresses of people who are just eager to receive "information on great money-making opportunities". It's a little vague, but these people obviously know what their avid, carefully harvested readers want and a good deal when they see it.
You really won't upset your ISP every time you send out those 2 million emails and have 3 million of them bounce back at you clogging up their mail server. So long as you say this is not spam, it isn't, right? They'll forgive you and even give you a fair trial, won't they?
And reputations are dead easy to get, aren't they?
7. Forget people, this is technobabble time
Now pay attention here, this is most important lesson. This is Internet folks. Let's see how it works ...
There's all these computers connected to all these computers all around world and all you have to do is send all of these computers lots of identical messages back and forth - this is called Internet Marketing - and lots of money will magically arrive into your bank account.
There are no humans involved. You don't have to talk to them, inform them, woo them, care about finding solutions to their problems, know who they are and what they want ... The rules of human nature, as well as those of business, are totally different in cyber-paradise than they are in real world. The Internet is not real world.
Congratulations! You've now completed entire course and graduated from Internet's First School of Failure. Read back between lines and I'm sure you'll find path to success.
(This story was entirely fictional, all resemblance to real people, either living or dead, any offers, services, products or vague "programs" is entirely coincidental.)
Pamela Heywood is webmistress of http://www.tucats-design.com - Building Your Online Business Instinctively. Subscribe to the weekly TuCats Mewsletter (sic) mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org and get regular FREE hints, tips, articles and resources.