Instead of: “I HATE this time of year. I can’t wait until it’s over.” try “This is a difficult time of year for me. But it does give me an opportunity to become closer to my family and friends.”

Some people heal best by helping others. Try volunteering at an organization who help people with a greater need than yours. i.e. A soup kitchen, a homeless shelter, orphanages, etc. Often best therapy is helping others. Aside from obvious benefits of keeping your mind occupied and seeing that there are others in worse situations than yourself, charity work gives you a tremendous feeling of fulfillment. It can give you a renewed sense of purpose, so important during times of sadness.

Above all else, give yourself permission to enjoy yourself, to laugh, and to find peace. Each of these things are part of healing. Your life will never be same, but it will go on, and it can still be good. I want you to close your eyes for just a moment. Bring into room with you clearest image of person that you have lost. Now say “I love you and I miss you. You will always be in my heart. I need to know... is it okay for me to be happy again?”

Now, imagine answer that you receive. If you remember your loved one in their true light, I’m confident answer will be YES. Find peace over holidays, and be good to you.

Sources that may be helpful: http://www.nfda.org/resources/grief/1998/blues.html http://dying.about.com/library/weekly/aa120899c.htm http://cincinnati.com/holiday99/handling_grief.html http://dying.about.com/library/weekly/aa122299c.htm http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Woods/4671/holidays.html http://www.kirstimd.com/blues.htm

I was petrified. I couldn't eat alone for fear I'd choke. I couldn't eat in restaurants for fear of embarrassment. I'd stare at a plate of food and literally be starving -- unable to get it down.

The advent of my divorce really was catalyst to my first encounter with professional help. What originally was to be marriage counseling turned out to be individual talk therapy. I knew my marriage was over, but anxiety needed to be dealt with and this proved to be beginning of my journey.

Adjusting after divorce along with dealing with my anxiety attacks was quite challenging. It was very multi-layered. I found that talk therapy helped. Not just with divorce, but with anxiety.

The talk therapy ended after about a year and a half when my therapist moved to another state. However, knowledge and insight I gained was invaluable and put me on path to recovery.

In years that passed, I had my bouts with anxiety. I did extensive research on subject and read countless self help books. I was always reaching for more answers; for more assurance. As a result, I knew better how to deal with attacks. The negative self talk and fear of loss of control diminished as I developed ability to handle attacks with my mind by gently talking my way through them.

They didn't completely go away, however.

In 1996 I met my fiancé. One of biggest challenges he helped me to meet, unknowingly, was facing my anxiety. He is a pilot and on one of our very first dates, he surprised me with a trip to airport to take his plane for a flight.

As my heart raced madly, (for I'd never been on a smaller plane), I decided to face my fear. That flight was one of most beautiful things I've ever experienced. Had I succumbed to my fear, I would never have seen beautiful moon and stars on that clear and magical night. That taught me a wonderful lesson. I was stronger than my anxiety. I just needed to draw upon my strength.

In 1997 I went to a new primary doctor for severe intestinal pain. Upon examination, she told me that I had a stomach condition caused by Chronic Anxiety Disorder. She had only a brief idea of my history. But, after several questions, etc., she wisely came to her diagnosis. It was then that I began some more talk therapy, on her advise, and started taking a small amount of medicine, called Klonopin, to relieve some of symptoms of anxiety.

In 1997 I became lead singer of a wedding band. During my audition my anxiety got so bad that I could feel my knees knocking and my lips were tingling! Try singing like that! But, somehow I made it through and got in. There was more than one "gig" where I'd feel my hands and mouth get "tingly" and my legs would begin to buckle. But, I went on and made myself do it. I think that it pushed me further into discovering my own inner strength. If I could handle an anxiety attack in front of three hundred people, (and believe me, it wasn't easy as I clung to microphone stand to hold me up), then I could conquer this!

In years that have passed, I have continued my research on anxiety. I still read many books dealing with subject and put into practice many of psychological things that help keep anxiety attacks at bay and/or under control.

I no longer use talk therapy, but what I learned in process will stay with me forever.

It's not a battle that's won overnight, although disorder seems to appear overnight. The road is long, and there are many ways to effectively treat anxiety. I think most important things in helping a sufferer of anxiety are support of those who love you, understanding disorder, faith that you will overcome it and knowledge that you are not alone in your struggle.

Believe me, you are not. © Ellen M. DuBois