Take Fifth

If you don't feel capable of safely answering a question, tell them you're not clear enough on situation to give them a response right now. If they don't let you off hook, develop a bladder emergency or "accidentally" spill your drink on yourself. Watch cocktail party scenes in old movies for skillful hints on how to escape any interrogation in a socially acceptable way.

Turn Question Around

When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, simply ask them same-or similar-question back. Or respond with a totally different question-especially about a subject that you know excites them. React in any way that will throw them off track. To pull off this tactic, you have to use subtle skill. Add a dash of playfulness or humor and you'll get away with it.

Take Japanese Diplomatic Approach

If you can't wholeheartedly agree with what someone is saying, you can respond in spirit of famous Japanese phrase, "Ah- So." This diplomatic response translates literally into: "So it would appear." Without compromising your integrity, you can respond to almost any relative's narrow-minded statement with: " I can see how you can see it that way" or "I understand how you feel."

Get Your Stories Straight

Make sure you and your date/friend are giving everyone same information about same topics. Some relatives have nothing better to do than compare notes on what's been said.

Be Consistent

"This is my story, and I'm sticking to it." Make sure all facts fit what your family knows about rest of your life. The "consistency police" are usually on full alert at family gatherings.

Honesty is Safest Policy

Eventually, inaccuracies and cover-ups tend to surface over time, so being truthful-to degree that you can-will serve you in long run. Study pronouncements of politicians to learn how to express truth in most vague-and least risky or offensive-way.

Choose Your Words Carefully

Certain words act as trigger mechanisms activating touchy egos, raw nerves, old wounds and painful memories. Use neutral, generic words with hypersensitive relatives. Avoid overly specific or graphic religious, political, racial and sexual references. With some relatives, generation gap can be as wide and deep as Grand Canyon.

Put Yourself in Your Parents' Shoes

In privacy of your own mind, see if you can relate to what your parents' perspective might be about a given subject and adjust your response to allow possibility of their point of view-however rigid, shallow or intolerant it might seem to you.

Pick an Agreement

Find something that you can authentically appreciate about every member of family, and, if possible, compliment them on that aspect of their lives.

Take Mental Health Breaks

Take strategic time outs when you feel you're reaching your limit of being able to cope with family judgement and scrutiny. Go to bathroom and splash water on your face. Go outside. Get a breath of fresh air on porch or patio. Take a short walk and let singing birds remind you that someone's having a good time today!

Volunteer to Get Lost

Volunteer for errands and duties that will get you out of house and out of line of fire. Disappear into kitchen to wash dishes. Empty garbage. Go out to pick up something at store. Give someone a ride. These chores buy you brownie points and at same time give you freedom and space to blow off steam from pressure cooker of family get-togethers. Use time to re-group and recharge your batteries.

Play Social Director

Suggest specific activities that allow everyone to happily interact-however superficial or contrived it might have to be. Group games, home videos, family album, tree decorating. Remember, goal is a good time for all, not spiritual enlightenment of your relatives!

Tap Power of Humor

Wherever you see an opening, use humor, play, laughter and fun to keep festivities light and flowing. The holidays are, after all, holy days-time to be spent celebrating joy of togetherness and love that connects you with your family and friends.

GOOD LUCK!