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Yet, what do you usually find in guys who are “Trying” to be alpha?
Firstly, let’s understand this: You have a lot of guys who are trying to prove that they are alpha. Well, if you are “Trying” to be it, then you really are not alpha.
I constantly run into such guys who are trying to be alpha: Their behaviors manifest themselves in two ways. They act like jerks, they behave in a standoffish manner, they try to ignore people as though these people are beneath them, and they exude other similar pompous behavior.
This is obviously behavior of an insecure person. If you are comfortable with yourself, you don’t need to mistreat someone to give yourself status. Isn’t funny to realize that in many cases overindulgence in arrogance is actually driven from insecurity? They try to dominate every conversation. They must at all times be center of attention.
This second category is really easy to notice. You can have a group of 5 guys talking and you’ll see one guy constantly cutting people off to interject his point of view and constantly striving to get attention.
If he is not interjecting to get his point in, he is drawing attention to himself through wisecracks or other juvenile behavior.
His starvation for other people’s attention becomes laughably obvious and after a while, it becomes annoying.
This also is deeply rooted in insecurity.
Thus, to be genuine and comfortable, you do not need to be a jerk, and nor do you need to be center of attention every single minute. You can be in your space and if someone else has floor, you can listen comfortably because you are secure in who you are.
You are not there to prove anything. You can enjoy someone else’s words because you are actually listening to that person speak, and not worrying about what you should say to garner attention back to yourself every step of way.
Whether you consider yourself a novice in meeting women or somewhat experienced, you should always keep this ideal in mind.
Not being comfortable with who you are manifests itself in so many ways.
It will drive you to try and impress people all time.
It will drive you to continually search for more pickup lines.
It will drive you to many times behave like a pompous jackass.
It will drive you to constantly try and bring attention to yourself.
It will drive you to impress people by whom you have sitting next to you.
It will drive you to impress by telling people what kind of a cool car you have, what celeb you met, or how much money you just made.
It will drive you to be socially frightened.
It will drive you women away from you.
Thus, making “becoming comfortable with who you are,” is one of top priorities.
While it is not only priority, it should be one of top messages emphasized by gurus giving dating advice.
Instead, guys are chasing their own tails trying to learn more openers, more cute lines, more tricky pickup lines, more secret tactics, more, more, more.
When is it going to end?
It ends when you realize that probably biggest reason you are at this cross road is because you are not comfortable with who you are.
It takes a bit of an ego check to admit this, but admitting is first step to progress.
I’ll be honest with you: I have many people giving dating advice and many of them are not completely comfortable in their own skin either.
It is not an easily achieved feat, but it is what your master goal should be.
People are not comfortable with themselves and they build layers to mask that discomfort. Instead of helping peel off layers of façade, most people in dating-industry seem to advise people to hide under more layers.
I am not a guru and I am not some super monk sitting on top of mountain being at one with Universe. We are all at different levels of comfort. We are at different stages in our journey.
However, I want to make sure that people are focusing on right issues and that this focus will help them achieve their desired states.
Once again, if someone is socially awkward then it is logical that he would seek to remedy that situation. However, to crawl out of hole of social ineptness onto plateau of a socially savvy person is not a tool or a technique. It is a person making fundamental changes in himself.
Similarly, becoming comfortable and being able to exist and walk through life in a manner where you feel good about yourself, and in a manner where you feel freedom to exist and express yourself is not a tool.
It is not a tactic!
It is not a routine!
It is a paradigm shift in your thinking, beliefs, ideals, and behavior!!
It is about a strong enough self-image where you don’t feel like you must carry your invisible bag of tools at all times or you are doomed.
IT IS ABOUT THE FREEDOM TO EXPRESS YOURSELF WITHOUT EXCUSES.
IT IS ABOUT THE FREEDOM TO EXIST.
IT IS ABOUT THE FREEDOM TO BE.
That, fellas, is attractive.
Cameron Teone is one of the instructors for Fidentia. A company that teaches men dating confidence with live workshops. Visit their website for more info. http://www.fidentia.org