Roots of Self-Regard

Genetic inheritance may have a role in a person's self-esteem -- it's conceivable, anyway. Parental upbringing can also play a powerful role.

Parents with strong self-esteem lay foundation for that quality in their children. They raise them with plenty of love and acceptance, believing in their competence and setting reasonable rules and expectations.

Yet there are exceptions that we still don't understand. Some people who have these positive factors in their backgrounds become self-doubting adults, while others who survive seemingly destructive childhoods grow up with a strong sense of self-worth.

Strengthening self-esteem is not a quick or easy process. We can't do it directly. Self-esteem is a consequence of following fundamental internal practices that require an ongoing commitment to self-examination. I call these practices "Six Pillars of Self-Esteem":

Living consciously: Paying attention to information and feedback about needs and goals... facing facts that might be uncomfortable or threatening... refusing to wander through life in a self-induced mental fog.

Self-acceptance: Being willing to experience whatever we truly think, feel or do, even if we don't always like it... facing our mistakes and learning from them.

Self-responsibility. Establishing a sense of control over our lives by realizing we are responsible for our choices and actions at every level... achievement of our goals...our happiness... our values.

Self-assertiveness: The willingness to express appropriately our thoughts, values and feelings... to stand up for ourselves... to speak and act from our deepest convictions.

Living purposefully: Setting goals and working to achieve them, rather than living at mercy of chance and outside forces... developing self-discipline.

Integrity: The integration of our behavior with our ideals, convictions, standards and beliefs... acting in congruence with what we believe is right. Most of us are taught from an early age to pay far more attention to signals coming from other people than from within. We are encouraged to ignore our own needs and wants and to concentrate on living up to others' expectations.

Self-esteem requires us to listen to and respect our own sensations, insights, intuition and perspective. For some people, learning to do this may require help of a competent therapist. For all of us, developing pillars of self-esteem is a life-long -- and worthy -- challenge.

It is not so very different with God. She gives us toys with which to fashion most wonderful "games" (read that, life) and a safe place in which to play. Then, He leaves us alone to have our experience, and has absolutely no preference whether we play Tag, or Hide-'n-Seek. But if we call for help, God is there - right there - to make everything better.

That is not someone who "doesn't care" about our daily experience - that is someone who loves us enough to give us our freedom to do as we wish, and promises to be there for us whenever we need Him. Sounds like a pretty neat God to me.

So now, call on God to answer you. Ask God to show you a sign, give you some help, and provide you with some special insight that might help you now. But be on lookout. Her response may come in a form other than one you are expecting. It could by lyrics of next song you hear, story line of next movie you see, text of next book that falls into your hands. It could be chance utterance of a friend on street, or a thought that comes to you in middle of night.

So watch! Look! Listen! For you do not know Hour, nor Form, in which God will come with your word of encouragement. For all you know, it could be something you read in a book somewhere...

By Neale Donald Walsch

Neale Donald Walsch