Family Circle: And how do you do all that?

Dyer: You quiet your mind. On average, a person has 60,000 separate thoughts a day. We're thinking too much! As an ancient proverb says, "It's silence between notes that makes music." So get quiet. Meditate; go for a walk; listen to birds, ocean. Breathe in fresh air and allow your mind to let go.

Family Circle: can just hear workaholics saying they don't have time to do that.

Dyer: If you don't take time for being healthy, you'll eventually have to make time for being sick. You can meditate for two minutes at a red light. Just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and clear your mind. The person behind you will let you know when your two minutes are up!

Family Circle: What are signs of inner peace?

Dyer: People who have a sense of peace tend to smile, feel compassion, and enjoy moment. They lose interest in conflict, and they don't worry!

Family Circle: You often say, "Stop worrying because there's nothing to worry about." How can that be?

Dyer: It makes no sense to worry about things you have no control over because there's nothing you can do about them, and why worry about things you do control? The activity of worrying keeps you immobilized.

Family Circle: So next time you're tossing and turning in bed . . . ?

Dyer: My teacher in India always said, "First think of God, whatever God means to you. Think of universal force that allows an acorn to turn into an oak tree or a blossom to become an orange." The moment you bring spiritual energy to present, worry and anguish dissolve.

Family Circle: Other than yourself, do you know anyone who has mastered this?

Dyer: I don't know that I have! I've got eight kids and I struggle with same things most people do. I've dealt with marital problems and addictions. What I've learned is to remind myself that all I have is today. That helps me shift my attention to what's good and right.

Family Circle: You always say that forgiveness is a dramatic way to transform a life. Forgiving your father for abandoning his family was a turning point for you.

Dyer: After he died, I went to my father's grave and told him, I don't know what motivated you to run your life as you did, but I forgive you. Afterward I felt a deep sense of relief and peace. Forgiveness is transforming. I use metaphor of snake bite. It is not bit that kills you; it's venom. When you hold a grudge, poisons of anger and blame destroy you. Your heart weakens, your blood pressure rises, you get ulcers. It wrecks your health, makes you miserable.

Family Circle: And when you forgive . . .

Dyer: . . . miracles begin to appear in your life because forgiveness heals. It's core of every great spiritual teaching - from Jesus and Buddha to Gandhi and Mother Teresa.

Family Circle: You also recommend art of detachment, calling it "one of life's great lessons." What do you mean?

Dyer: I mean detach from opinions of others; from habit of judging or controlling others; from past; from need to be right and to win; from an obsession with material things. Follow your passion in life, but detach from outcome and allow universe to handle details.

Family Circle: So, as we usher in 2003, what would you say is key to achieving happiness?

Dyer: When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on floor. It's to enjoy each step along way. That's what life is. There's no way to happiness. Happiness is way. It's what you bring to life.

*Excerpted from Family Circle/January 14, 2003 issue

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, affectionately called the "father of motivation" by his fans, is one of the most widely known and respected people in the field of self-empowerment.

Consider case of romantic love. When two adults with significant spiritual and psychological affinities encounter each other, and if they have evolved to a decent level of maturity -- if they are beyond level of merely struggling to make their relationship "work" -- then romantic love can become a pathway, not only to sexual and emotional happiness but also to higher reaches of human growth. It can become a context for a continuing encounter with self, through process of interaction with another self. Two consciousnesses, each dedicated to personal evolution, can provide an extraordinary stimulus and challenge to each other.

But such a possibility presupposes self-esteem. The first love affair we must consummate successfully is with ourselves; only then are we ready for a relationship with another. A person who feels unworthy and unlovable is not ready for romantic love.

Of course, there are other kinds of love besides romantic love. What I feel for my grandchildren is a different kind of love. What it has in common with romantic love, however, is that I see in my grandchildren values and traits that touch my heart. But it would be a corruption of language to say that I "love" my grandchildren same as I "love" children whom I do not even know. Whatever my feelings for other children, experience is entirely different.

Apart from what I feel for my wife, Devers -- who is highest value in my life -- writing is my paramount passion. What this means, practically, is that a good deal of my time and energy is devoted to writing. This has to do with living one's values, not simply professing them. You ask, "How do I bring love into my life?" My answer is that I focus day after day principally on what I care most about in this world -- on what I most respect and admire. That is what I give my time and attention to.

Since my highest priorities are my marriage and my work, I give greatest part of my time and energy to them. With regard to my wife, I frequently communicate to her my awareness of all traits and characteristics in her that I so much love, respect, appreciate, and admire.

We all want to be seen, understood, appreciated. I call this need for experience of psychological visibility. I strive to make my wife feel visible to me.

I also spend a great deal of time thinking about things I love. I am keenly aware of how much there is in life to appreciate and enjoy. I dwell on that every day. I do not take anything good in my life for granted.

I am always aware of our mortality. I know that if I love someone, time to express it is today. If I value something, time to honor it is today.