Choose three things that you would really like to give your best to. They might be your primary relationship, your children, your career, your health, or your spiritual life. Now, write six words to describe your ideal self in those areas. For example, in my life with my husband, I would use these words: trustworthy, respectful, loving, responsive, fun and available. These are my chosen 'positions'. Next step, set some measurable goals for this relationship. For instance: I spend at least one hour a day talking with my husband. I listen carefully to him and ask questions until I fully understand his position, needs, concerns. I find ways to surprise him that let him know how much I love him. I have stated both my position and my marketing plan. Then, follow through. Simple, not always easy, but always rewarding!

When you care enough to make a plan, you're way ahead of game. When you teach yourself to follow-through, you'll have a winning attitude. Make this a habit and you'll find out how much you are!

4. Don't overbook or overstay a good amount of time with relatives/friends. Sometimes a shorter stay works best and leaves you energy and space to get back to your own home and decompress.

5. Look for ways to give to or do for others. Feeling useful and appreciated will provide a great boost to your holiday spirits. Check into volunteer opportunities at local shelters and nursing homes or through any local church or nonprofit group.

6. Don't plan to spend entire holiday season with married /coupled family and friends. Seek out other singles and singles groups/ activities where you can feel relaxed and able to share with folks you have more in common with at this time. Better yet, plan a get together with other singles for one of holidays. A festive potluck meal, tree trimming party or other holiday event would probably be much appreciated.

7. Do avoid using food, alcohol or drugs to cope with holiday stress. Nothing is worse than feelings that follow use (or wrong use) of these things. This way of coping leads to depression, low self-esteem and a greater sense of isolation and despair.

8. Do decorate your home with any and all things that make it feel more festive and fun for YOU. Tune into all those wonderful traditions you grew up with. It does not have to be very costly or time consuming to begin your own traditions in your own place. Don't put off or deny yourself those happy holiday expressions, as you wait for your significant other. Make your life all it can be right now.

9. Consider emphasizing more spiritual aspects of holiday. Go to a concert featuring religious holiday music or attend a church (or other) service, (even better with a friend).

10. Finally, going away to an exotic place may be just what you do need. Look into tour or vacation packages for singles. This may provide plenty of rest and relaxation and help you meet new friends and develop new interests.

Whatever you decide to do for your holidays, have fun and enjoy them. Focus on taking care of yourself and doing what is right for you. This way you will also be giving your best to those around you. Happy Holidays!

Toni Coleman LCSW Consum-mate http://www.consum-mate.com 703-847-1768