Written by Theolonius McTavish

Continued from page 1

-- If money grows on trees, how come all we get are a bunch of rotten apple investment certificates?

-- Let me get this straight, if I bite into that apple, I can play “Devil’s Advocate” for a day?

-- I’m tired of being “touched by an angel”, can we try something spooky for a change?

-- If I’d wanted to play “snakes and ladders”, I’d have married a social-climbing serpent!

-- Wow, it’s another episode of "Desperate Housewives in Paradise" -- do you mind if I sit down and watch?

-- Okay honeybun, where’d you put my “Get Out of Jail Free Card” anyway?

-- Look at it this way, if God had wanted me to bite into that apple, he wouldn’t have given me dentures!

-- I don’t polish apples for anyone, and that includes you!

-- Why don’t you put that apple on your head, while I find my plucky bow and trusty arrow.

-- What could be more rewarding than biting a few biscuits, dust bunnies, or speeding bullets?

-- Perhaps you could read one more chapter from my favorite pillow book, "The Boo Hoo Bible: The Neo American Church Catechism" by Art Kleps -- before we retire forrepparttar night.

-- Listen, being President of a meat-eating country means you don't have to eat broccoli, sprouts or apples for that matter!

-- Hey, I know Popeye eats spinach to make him big and strong, but are you sure that munching on bag of apples will make me a Wicked Witch to be reckoned with?

Theolonius McTavish, an itinerant scribe in the Palace of The Quipping Queen ( and the perambulating, pondering sort who has a frightful aversion to apples, Eves and anything named "Paradise".


Written by Rev. James L. Snyder

Continued from page 1

My reply seemed to pleaserepparttar man and without looking up from his record book he asked, "Will that be for a Democrat or Republican license?"

This threw me for a loop because I thought I could buy me a huntin' license for both. Quite quickly and rather sternly,repparttar 118141 salesman informed me that it would be impossible and I had to choose one orrepparttar 118142 other.

I told him which one (but I'm not going to tell you) and he proceeded to fill out my hunting license form.

"I have a question for you. Can I get a license for just a wing shot?" I asked. It seemed like a logical question to me and I awaited his answer.

"Yes, sir, you can," he said rather mechanically. "Will it be a left-wing or right-wing shot license?"

I didn't know how to reply, so I asked another question: "What do you hunt these politicians with?"

His answer was somewhat predictable, "An airrifle."

Right here is when I awoke. I probably never will know what license I ended up with, but this I do know, politicians are cagey query to be sure.

As I sipped my morning coffee, out on our back porch, I ponderedrepparttar 118143 age-old question: Where do politicians come from?

Politicians come in all sizes, shapes and genders, but they all have two things in common. (1) For some reason they all believe that what they think and say is extremely important and will solve all my problems. (2) They assume I want to know everything they think and say. All I can say is, they have another good think coming to them.

After more than 228 years,repparttar 118144 greatness of America can be witnessed inrepparttar 118145 fact that we have endured every known type of politician and we still survive. What a nation!

As I prayed for America, several passages ofrepparttar 118146 Bible came to me.

"Blessed isrepparttar 118147 nation whose God isrepparttar 118148 Lord; andrepparttar 118149 people whom he hath chosen for his own inheritance." (Psalms 33:12 KJV.)

Our strength as a nation does not come from what we think we possess, but from a Higher Source. That Higher Source isrepparttar 118150 God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob — andrepparttar 118151 Father ofrepparttar 118152 Lord Jesus Christ, our Savior.

And, "There is no king saved byrepparttar 118153 multitude of a host: a mighty man is not delivered by much strength. An horse is a vain thing for safety: neither shall he deliver any by his great strength. Behold,repparttar 118154 eye ofrepparttar 118155 Lord is upon them that fear him, upon them that hope in his mercy." (Psalms 33:16-18 KJV.)

If only we could figure out where politicians come from, perhaps we could return them with a polite, "No thank you."

Rev. James L. Snyder is an award winning author and popular columnist living with his wife, Martha, in Ocala, FL.

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