-- If money grows on trees, how come all we get are a bunch of rotten apple investment certificates?

-- Let me get this straight, if I bite into that apple, I can play “Devil’s Advocate” for a day?

-- I’m tired of being “touched by an angel”, can we try something spooky for a change?

-- If I’d wanted to play “snakes and ladders”, I’d have married a social-climbing serpent!

-- Wow, it’s another episode of "Desperate Housewives in Paradise" -- do you mind if I sit down and watch?

-- Okay honeybun, where’d you put my “Get Out of Jail Free Card” anyway?

-- Look at it this way, if God had wanted me to bite into that apple, he wouldn’t have given me dentures!

-- I don’t polish apples for anyone, and that includes you!

-- Why don’t you put that apple on your head, while I find my plucky bow and trusty arrow.

-- What could be more rewarding than biting a few biscuits, dust bunnies, or speeding bullets?

-- Perhaps you could read one more chapter from my favorite pillow book, "The Boo Hoo Bible: The Neo American Church Catechism" by Art Kleps -- before we retire for night.

-- Listen, being President of a meat-eating country means you don't have to eat broccoli, sprouts or apples for that matter!

-- Hey, I know Popeye eats spinach to make him big and strong, but are you sure that munching on bag of apples will make me a Wicked Witch to be reckoned with?

My reply seemed to please man and without looking up from his record book he asked, "Will that be for a Democrat or Republican license?"

This threw me for a loop because I thought I could buy me a huntin' license for both. Quite quickly and rather sternly, salesman informed me that it would be impossible and I had to choose one or other.

I told him which one (but I'm not going to tell you) and he proceeded to fill out my hunting license form.

"I have a question for you. Can I get a license for just a wing shot?" I asked. It seemed like a logical question to me and I awaited his answer.

"Yes, sir, you can," he said rather mechanically. "Will it be a left-wing or right-wing shot license?"

I didn't know how to reply, so I asked another question: "What do you hunt these politicians with?"

His answer was somewhat predictable, "An airrifle."

Right here is when I awoke. I probably never will know what license I ended up with, but this I do know, politicians are cagey query to be sure.

As I sipped my morning coffee, out on our back porch, I pondered age-old question: Where do politicians come from?

Politicians come in all sizes, shapes and genders, but they all have two things in common. (1) For some reason they all believe that what they think and say is extremely important and will solve all my problems. (2) They assume I want to know everything they think and say. All I can say is, they have another good think coming to them.

After more than 228 years, greatness of America can be witnessed in fact that we have endured every known type of politician and we still survive. What a nation!

As I prayed for America, several passages of Bible came to me.

"Blessed is nation whose God is Lord; and people whom he hath chosen for his own inheritance." (Psalms 33:12 KJV.)

Our strength as a nation does not come from what we think we possess, but from a Higher Source. That Higher Source is God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob — and Father of Lord Jesus Christ, our Savior.

And, "There is no king saved by multitude of a host: a mighty man is not delivered by much strength. An horse is a vain thing for safety: neither shall he deliver any by his great strength. Behold, eye of Lord is upon them that fear him, upon them that hope in his mercy." (Psalms 33:16-18 KJV.)

If only we could figure out where politicians come from, perhaps we could return them with a polite, "No thank you."