It's usually easy to find a lot of agreement for negative responses in life. For example, it is not difficult to find someone to complain to, and with, in coffee room at work. What if you simply stopped doing that? Focused on positive, or said nothing. What if you made an agreement with yourself that whatever you said in future would be solution-oriented rather than problem-oriented? Stepped past problem and into possible solutions! This is not denying problem. Of course, they need to be identified. They just don't need all that investment of time and emotion.

Identify and move to solution!

Remember to ask for help! It is a great compliment to others to ask for their help. It shows confidence in their ability to generate solutions with you...not for you!

For today, notice your focus. Is it on problems or solutions? How quickly can you reassemble your thoughts to say something that focuses on solutions?

You can enhance a relationship by asking for help. You open relationship to become more reciprocal. That's a choice only you can determine is appropriate. If you do not want to be asked for something, best not ask yourself! But, if you do not ask, answer is always "No!".

APPROACH

Some ways of approaching an issue are more productive than others. It's unlikely you'll get what you want by beginning with "I'm sure you'll say 'No', but..." You may have tried that one when you were a teen-ager. It didn't work well, did it?

First, be prepared. Be ready to ask clearly for what you want. Know why you want it. Be prepared with benefits to listener for giving you what you are requesting. If possible, give them a plan that will work for them...and for you. When you do work, you're more likely to get what you want.

Then, pick your moment carefully, then check. "I would like to discuss something with you. Is this a good time?" or "When would you have a few minutes free to discuss something?" If you are asking a supervisor or manager, they will likely want to know what topic is. This is fair, however, how you answer is important. It can make all difference between getting meeting or not.

Phrase your issue broadly and positively . "I'd like to discuss vacation schedule." rather than, "I need to talk to you about getting dates I want for vacation." Give overall topic, not your specific request. If pressed for specifics, again be positive, clear and brief.

JUST DO IT

Once in meeting, first, thank them for their time. Give benefits to listener for giving you what you want, then ask. Ask clearly for exactly what you want. Do not apologize for your request. You have right to ask as they have right to refuse. Whatever outcome, relationship will shift slightly no matter who you ask for what! Be prepared.

You have probably heard English proverb: 'Most things are lost for want of asking.'. There is no need to lose anything for that reason. Simply ask. You may be surprised how easy this becomes with practice. Remember, though, if you do not ask, answer is always 'No'. So ask!