HOLD EM OR FOLD EM?Written by Linda Reeves
Continued from page 1
with dignity. To you men, stand up, be a respectable man and tells us what is wrong and can or can it not be fixed, don’t clam up on us, we as women need an explanation, some sort of reasoning for what happened to let go and move on. Women, crying will make you feel better, but doubtful that it will change how anyone feels at moment and most of all do not call them constantly begging them to come back. As cliché’ as it sounds “If you love something, set it free, if it comes back it is yours forever”. Be honest about what went wrong and why you feel need to break away. A great as it may seem, whatever mistakes other person made with you cannot and will not be realized or corrected if they are unaware of their actions. Myself, I have a very strong personality and tend to be somewhat “bossy” and over bearing at times, and had I not been told that I would have continued to sabotage every relationship by trying to control everything about it. I now know that I have to share that control and allow man to be man, we are sharing a life together and to survive in a relationship one has to let go of “I, my, me, mine” and look at things from a “us, we, our, both” perspective.
On flip side, things happen that are sometimes beyond one’s control that takes them away from you, again discussion is key. In such case, any problems or feelings can be clarified and you can resolve any impending issues. Knowing that whatever occurred can be resolved amicably between both parties, and willingness to forgive and work towards talking more and being more open tells you to “Hold Em”.
No amount of words will give you insight to make decision to “Hold Em” or “Fold Em”, that choice is made by knowing what you want out of life and your relationships. No one can answer those questions for you, it is up to you to look inside box as well as outside box and choose whichever is best for you and your future. Never ever, walk away before giving a relationship a chance, regret is worst of all emotions, resolve to live your life in “I Have, I Did, I Will” mode and not “Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda” , your life will be much richer and fulfilling in end.
Deal Cards…….Let them fall as they may.
Linda Reeves is a 47 year old advice columnist who writes for Cupids Blackbook. She Lives in the American midwest.
Examining Your Own Attitudes About AgeWritten by Virginia Bola, PsyD
Continued from page 1
The human brain is amazing and inspiring. Its intricacy and ability set us apart from other creatures of our planet. It has capability to keep functioning, and growing, throughout our life cycle. Only when we choose to ignore it, or fail to use it, does it slip into dormancy and slowly wither. Nurture your mind as you did your children. When they thought they would "never get it" at school, you encouraged them and stuck with them until they mastered their assignments. Relish new mental challenges and give yourself that same patient coaching. You may need to read technical information several times before you really understand it. Spend free hours exploring your computer and researching what it does and how it can best work for you. Work on crossword puzzles and word games to maintain your memory and expand your vocabulary. Learn about a new subject which has always interested you but which you never had time to thoroughly explore: history, astronomy, holistic health, genealogy, horse race handicapping, geography, anything that catches your fancy. The goal is not subject you study but mental exercise it affords which will, in turn, improve your mood, provide daily excitement of new discoveries, and allow you to feel productive and valuable to your prime audience: yourself.
3. "It's time to start acting my age."
What does that mean? Shall we allow our age to be determined by an arbitrary, man-made calendar or by how we feel? Some of us seem "old" by fifty. We give up trying new things, we slow down our activity, we stop thinking creatively. Many of us at sixty or seventy feel as we have always done and are shocked when we look closely in a mirror and see that we have changed. How could our appearance be so different when we still see ourselves as young and vibrant as ever? If we can act age we feel, calendar age no longer matters. If we love to dance, should we stop because of a date on a calendar? If we like to work, should we be forced to retire when we have so much to offer? If we feel at our best in shorter skirts and high heels, must we start changing our wardrobe to present image of a dowager? If we like to play rough and tumble sports, should we move to sidelines and let "young set" take over? Are we doomed to wear shawls and scarves and sensible shoes when we don't feel any more "sensible" that we did for past 50 years? No way! Let our inner attitude shine in public as brightly as it burns within our minds.
Human beings have few limitations. The limits that exist are often self-imposed. A positive attitude about yourself, your refusal to allow calendar to stifle your physical and mental reach, and frequent self-examination of myths of aging to which you may be falling prey, can transform destructive social concept of aging into bright new opportunities for change, growth, and fulfillment.
Virginia Bola is a licensed clinical psychologist with deep interests in Social Psychology and politics. She has performed therapeutic services for more than 20 years and has studied the effects of cultural forces and employment on the individual. The author of an interactive workbook, The Wolf at the Door: An Unemployment Survival Manual, and a monthly ezine, The Worker's Edge, she can be reached at http://www.drvirginiabola.blogspot.com