3. Burping loudly - I’m not going to say anything else here or I’ll get in trouble, but just suffice it to say that most men get a big kick out of this, and all women despise it. No one ever said that Mother Nature is always pretty, you know.

4. Hating ties - Any man that has a testosterone count higher than Liberace hates neck ties. Absolutely despises them. They had to be invented by a fervent man-hater - problem is, women love for you to wear one just as badly as you hate doing so. I’d rather spend a Saturday poisoning wasp nests than to wear a neck tie to a formal social function. Unfortunately, women in our lives can give you pretty convincing reasons to wear one, so, we have to do it. But it still stinks like a dead frog in hot sun, though.

5. Not wanting to use strange toilets - For some reason, women can go into a restroom in a restaurant, gas station, or other public facility and use it without hesitation. Conversely, most men hate using a strange toilet. For us, images of mutant bacteria that could eat whole cows alive live on those toilet seats. I’ve even resisted going to bathroom instead of being forced to use a strange one. Honestly, I think most of you ladies out there need to rethink this one.

And there you have it. Some of most well known “guy’s things” there are. Probably, if I’m guessing right, I’d say that some of you ladies out there might want equal time, maybe a future column about “gal’s things.” The only thing is, I’m not biologically qualified to write it. My suggestion would be to contact my good friend, columnist Amy Eason (www.amy-eason.com). Tell her I wrote a column about guy’s things, and that you think a response is in order. That’ll get her back up enough that I’ll guarantee you she’ll produce a wonderful, women friendly masterpiece for all you ladies...

Personally, if I were single and getting married tomorrow, I would forgo a traditional wedding and opt for getting married on a cruise ship. And no, not because of all nice places ship would take me, but because getting married on a cruise ship means that honeymoon begins just as soon as you walk back to your cabin. The honeymoon is highlight of whole marriage service for male, and also happens to be item that he typically has to wait longest to enjoy, so getting married on a cruise ship eliminates this particular problem.

In conclusion, ladies, please don’t get too hacked off at me because of these observations - as much happiness as y’all bring into men’s lives, least we men can do is endure before noted horrors of marriage ceremony itself. All in all, a couple of hours of torture vs. getting to spend rest of your life with a lovely woman is well worth it all in end. Well, well worth it all unless your bride has an old maid aunt with whiskers who wants to give you a big ole kiss when you run up on her in reception line...