Certainly group leans to discussing "unseen". But here age-old misunderstanding surfaces - there are those who think we prefer an "ideal" world because it is "unseen" and that we shrink with distaste from "messy, familiar world" of blood, sweat, tears, mucus and semen. They think we would prefer to worship our beloved at a distance and without "inconvenience" of a physical body as in Platonic love. Ha!

One of most fascinating and influential infps in my opinion is Hans Christian Andersen. His fairy tales, far from watered down Disney are real thing, for those who have eyes to see and this may be only those with subtle qualities on inf's. "Fairy tales are not real, or even realistic," says Amanda Craig in The Uses of Enchantment at her BLOG, "[but they are not] as many people still believe, an escape from reality. They are another way of getting you to think about real difficulties. If you have ever doubted this, read "The Ugly Duckling" to your introverted kid.

Indeed. Craig reveals by her statement that she's no "inf" but Andrea Jurik is.

Jurik, a Slovakian currently living in Germany, learned to read just so she could feast for her self -- to her heart's content -- on Andersen's "Rose Elf", which her mother felt was too dark to read to her. Somehow Jurik knew this "fairy tale" would map her territory accurately. Idealist introvert personality types are uniquely concerned with problems of good and evil and "Rose Elf" is, indeed, very dark.

Another client, Rosemarie, says, "I was utterly fascinated by "The Red Shoes" from moment I first saw movie (based reliably on Andersen's fairy tale of same name). "I was four years old when movie came out. I can't imagine how I found it a few years later but I begged to watch it many times. I was actually embarrassed to reveal to my parents how much I wanted to see movie again. It must have been my first experience of obsession.

"Today at 60 story is still unfolding for me as it explains me to myself again and again through years. It is a timeless story of truth of my existence. I'm an infp and we are very intense people, easily obsessed. We have our dark passions and so forth. This is also one of our greatest strengths."

John, a 24 year old graduate student, chats up Platonic ideals this way in his BLOG called "Discursive Parallax" (I'm not sure you're ready for this -- I don't believe John is a Communications major): "Plato screwed pooch when he came up with his essentialist philosophy.... [He] gave us ... Platonic illusion.

"Personally, I'm convinced that most debilitating of all Platonic illusions," John contnues, "can be described with three words - Perfect Girl Syndrome."

In simple English, Plato describes a world of "essentials", by which is really meant "essences" as in "I get essence of what John is trying to say."

I think John is trying to say is that his real pool of possible dates may differ significantly from Helen of Troy. The kind of essentials we feel Plato was referring to are self evident to idealist but let me try to put it into words for those of us who are groping for a concept of ourselves as idealists and how really different we are.

To temperament type idealist, Plato's ideals are not "perfect" so much as they are blueprints and prototypes. They are interested in potential, their own and someone else's.

Idealists value personal growth, authenticity and integrity. They yearn to develop themselves fully as individuals and facilitate growth in others. In this regard they refer to a not visible "pattern" of what they think a human being can and should be. They believe human beings can evolve into something "better than", "more than" but there is no end to this possiblity of evolution.

In this sense, people will never be "perfect" because their potential, if realized, will promote further evolution. I believe that Carl Jung discusses this phenomenon in relation to God Him/Herself in his book "Answer to Job".

Let's take a more concrete example. Let's take example of a house. I want a house. I go looking. I don't find anything I like. Well, not in my price range. I'm realistic about this. So I think, maybe I'll build one myself. I go down to Home Depot or get on internet and look for some house plans. Hmmm. Nothing there. Go looking for an architect. Find one with templates. That won't do. Wait. Listen to my intuition. Follow its clues. Mostly dead ends. Relax. Wait. Believe I can find what I want. It's out there somewhere. Someone tells me about an architect who specializes in small, unique, affordable housing. She's an independently wealthy visionary who adores doing these kinds of houses because they are her forté, something she believes in, and she gets international awards for them. This woman comes up with a plan that suits me to a "T", including price. She gets so excited about it, she gives me a bridge loan to cover some of costs until I can get financing I want. This is a true story by way. It happened to one of my idealist introvert clients and it could not happen to a realist, who would have stopped or compromised when s/he couldn't find an existing home that met specs.

Idealists seek higher and higher ground, more abstract sources for things they want to manifest in their lives and if necessary, are not above changing blueprint or seeking a "higher authority", even, as Jung implies, creating a better blueprint for a god. Thus, following new pattern, as real must manifest from ideal, Jahweh yields to a merciful Christ.

Perfection and escape are not goal. Imagination and evolution are goal.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson put it so succinctly, "What lies behind us and what lies before us are only small matters compared to what lies within us."

Nelson Mandela describes it this way. "A leader … is like a shepherd. He stays behind flock letting most nimble go out ahead, whereupon others follow, not realizing all along they are being directed from behind." Or from jail. Or in a chance encounter at grocery store that changes way they think forever after. This is why your name also does not get out of house.

This is magic of idealist. Is it any surprise there has never been an idealist president? Such work is better left to Guardians and Artisans. Our names never get out of house.

The influence of idealists is more profound than ever a Guardian or Artisan could possibly imagine or hope for, for to change blueprint is to change future.

Think of relationships that do run smoothly for you. A simple, “Let’s stop here for a snack before we continue drive,” is all it takes.

5.Constructive Discontent.

The relationships in your life are ongoing. You’ll be making further requests, so establish a positive pattern. If you are denied, take it well. Don’t make other person feel uncomfortable.

When you are given what you request, express your gratitude. No one – no matter how intimately involved with you – MUST give you what you ask for. You are not “entitled” to anything. So when you get what you want, let them know how much you appreciate it. This sets stage for further good things to happen. No one wants to be taken for granted.

6.Flexiblity.

Formulate what you want in such a way it can be met. Be willing to accommodate. You may want to stop on road for a snack … can you wait another 30 minutes in order to accommodate your partner who has his own reasons? Can you wait for a place that has barbecue? Can you wait for a place that also sells gas?

7.Creativity.

You’ll remove desperation if you’re creative in finding ways to get what you want.

If you’re told “no,” and there’s somewhere else you can get it, go there. This will increase your personal power and also take pressure off your relationship with original person.

Sometimes when first person see you going elsewhere, they rush in to give it as well. There’s no accounting for human nature; it’s a reality to be dealt with.

8.Intentionality.

Ariceli’s whining voice shows she intends to be turned down. If you intend to state your reasonable request forthrightly, knowing you have a right to request and expect it to be given due consideration and granted if possible, and you get much of what you ask for, let it show.

9.Intuition.

Ah, master EQ competency. How do you know whom to ask and when? Use your intuition! Work with an EQ coach to develop this important lifeskill.

10.Optimism – facilitator of all EQ Competencies.

The reason things aren’t working for Areceli is she’s pessimistic. She expects to be turned down. This makes her timid to make request in first place, and defeatist when she does.

When she IS turned down, like all pessimists Areceli makes it “personal,’ permanent and pervasive.” How does this work? Let’s say she asked Ben to give her day off. He declined. He had his reasons. Areceli told herself, “He said ‘no’ because I’m no good at asking (personal), I never will be (permanent), “and furthermore, I’m not good at anything (pervasive).”

Now when we check with Ben, here’s why he declined. Three other people in Areceli’s department had already been granted day off. Any other day, he would’ve been glad to let her go. It’s as simple as that.

Develop your Emotional Intelligence competencies and apply them to all areas of your life for more positive results. EQ has more to do with success, happiness and health than IQ, and it can be learned.