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If you feel as if you are being hurt, unjustly accused, if you feel angry, feel as if you want to lash out, remove yourself from situation temporarily, but immediately. This means put on your shoes and coat and walk out door. Go for a long walk. Go shopping. Go to a movie. Go have a cup of coffee. Go sit in your car and call a friend. Do something that feels good and removes you from situation.
5. Once things are calm, don't ignore what happened.
Don't let sleeping dogs lie. In other words, once you have peace back, don't walk around on eggshells in order to prevent triggering another overreaction. Don't avoid talking about what happened in an open, honest, non-hurtful way.
Initiate a conversation to better understand what happened. Start with something like, "You had a very strong response to our last conversation."
Then, if your partner seems open, ask questions such as: * What were you feeling? * What did I remind you of? * What did situation remind you of?
Listen to everything your partner has to say. Remember compassion. Do not defend yourself, or negate anything your partner is saying. This is not about you.
6. At a later point, continue discussion.
At a later point, discuss with your partner how you are similar and different from person who originally caused him or her pain. Clarify what you meant by words that triggered overreaction. Discuss ways to deal with overreaction in future, perhaps some key phrases you can say to each other to stop overreaction.
If you can follow above guidelines, you will find yourself in an intimate relationship with fewer fights and overreactions and much more closeness, intimacy and trust. You can use same process in any relationship, business or personal, with same trust-building benefit.
Handling overreactions in others or in yourself is hard work, and you may find yourself wishing you had help. If this is case, I am available to help, in both a one-time coaching session format or for ongoing coaching. For more info on how you can get help, go to http://www.whatittakes.com/Coaching/coachingservices.html
Wishing you an overreaction-free week!
Your Relationship Coach, Rinatta Paries www.WhatItTakes.com
(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"
Having coined the phrase "relationship coach," Master Certified Coach Rinatta Paries works with singles to help them attract their ideal relationship, and helps couples create more love and fulfillment in their existing relationships. Visit her web site at www.WhatItTakes.com or e-mail her at coach@WhatItTakes.com.