Step two involves making sure that you achieve small incremental victories. Little by little. From one small victory to next 'little bit' bigger victory. It might be necessary at this stage to achieve as many 'baby victories' as possible. Until you feel more 'confident' to handle bigger situations. In NLP they call it 'small chunking'. Break down your challenge into smaller, manageable components. Achieve success in each little components. Haven't you heard how you eat an elephant?

Self-talk

What do you say to yourself and about yourself when you are under pressure? Think about a particular incident? Was what you were saying then helpful, resourceful or was it discouraging?

Watch your words, because they might have a tendency of sabotaging your efforts at building self-confidence.

Your words communicate one of two things. They either communicate images of failure and helplessness or they communicate images of success and resourcefulness. If you communicate helplessness to yourself, especially when you are under pressure, you are not doing yourself any favor. Which would you prefer while you are building your self-confidence: a rhetoric of past failures or a message of hope and resourcefulness?

You can change tape you want to hear. You can change what you tell yourself by:

a. monitoring your self-talk b. using positive, concrete language and c. maintaining perspective.

Ok, title of this discussion is 'Forget Positive Thinking'. I bet you my last penny, positive thinking does not work. Especially if you are under severe pressure.

For me what has worked is practicality of building my self-confidence, monitoring my self-talk, and maintaining perspective.

Toni had always loved animals. One day she discovered that there was a wonderful animal sanctuary not far from her, a place that took in animals no one else wanted. Toni started to volunteer there and found that it brought her great joy to help maintain this loving sanctuary.

Work, too, can be service. When you experience your work as helping people and you love doing it, it is service, whether you are a hairdresser, a teacher, a physician, an auto mechanic, a therapist, an attorney or a bus driver. While you get paid for your time, no one can pay you for love you put into it. Love is always a gift that comes through you.

In fact, anything you offer that expresses your love is service - your time, creativity, encouragement or a warm and caring smile to a hassled store clerk. Service is not only expressed in specific works but also in your intention in each and every moment. Have you ever smiled at a stranger or offered a compliment just because you noticed something in him or her that caught your eye? When was last time you said how much you appreciate someone? When your heart is open to others, service can be a way of life.

The practice of service does not have to be done only on an individual level. It is possible for whole families to participate in service projects. Rather than relaxing around house and watching TV together, you can participate in a local environmental or social project. Families who do service together generally maintain a higher level of values and unity than those who do not create time for such activities.

Each of us needs to find service that excites us, enlivens us and fills our heart with joy as we express God’s love through our actions. Giving for pure joy of giving feeds soul. We love God by loving children of God and serving them in any way we can. It is through service that we can truly grow spiritually. Through service, we are confronted with our issues and given opportunity to practice our lovingness and expand beyond what we think our limits are.