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Sitting down in your Sunday morning chair with hot urn of coffee within easy reach, first section is opened up. “The Royal Family….”. You throw that one away along with travel section, which is now advising people where NOT to go, rather than taking you merrily to possible destinations. The business pages (used to be your favorite) are now telling you that world is on verge of a ‘non-returnable’ recession and that your stocks and shares are not worth paper that they are written on. It also suggests that you should be out of a job within next two weeks.
The headlines are all about war and gloom, impending and current wars and any wars that any warrior can dream up! The sports ‘branch’ gives us yet another “objector”: those sportsmen and woman that insist endlessly that they have not taken performance enhancing drugs whilst jumping around cameras like monkeys. And due to political differences some country or other is no longer attending Olympic Games and that spectators, at those games should check under their seats for bombs before sitting down. The Olympics Security Team cannot do this task, as most of them have been called up into army reserves or are just not interested due to having not been paid for three months.
Reading International News you suddenly realize that Japanese Car that you possess and that you had to get a loan out to purchase will now cost you an arm and a leg to repair – company that made it has gone bust! The holiday that you had booked in Caribbean will no longer be fun that you thought it would be as Island has just gone through a coup and new Military Junta says that they don’t like you! You also find out that company that you work for has decided to move all of its operations to a ‘cheaper’ country, and that they will be laying off staff like it is going out of fashion – somehow they have forgotten to tell Human Resources Manager of situation (which was probably you by way).
Nothing much to make your Sunday anything special now is there! The crossword doesn’t prove much help as most of words are “new” words, terms and expressions born from modern computer age and are not found in any dictionary. The Obituaries ‘leaf’ provides no alternative reading and make you even more depressed than before as you realize that modern medicine was not answer after all. The ‘singles’ start off interesting till you realize that advertiser in question is seriously sick at heart and wants to re-enact Gulf War with you rather than meeting for a nice dinner.
No there is nothing there to read anymore, with all that is good news is old news.
Did you read last Sunday’s article about how brushing your teeth can help to keep them from rotting happily away and causing you agony? Oh and that article where it told you to look both ways when crossing road was very informative and useful! This supposedly helps you to not get run over by a large truck!
Ieuan Dolby is the Author and Webmaster of Seamania . As a Chief Engineer in the Merchant Navy he has sailed the world for fifteen years. Now living in Taiwan he writes about cultures across the globe and life as he sees it.