4) Compliment three strangers each day for a week. This isn't same as public speaking. This is private speaking. In order to do this one correctly, you have to become fully aware of people around you. You'd be amazed at just how many strangers you pass every day. You also have to think of genuinely nice things to say. It's not enough to simply speak to three strangers, but to compliment them forces you to think about person before you speak to them. We can randomly say, "Nice weather we're having" to everyone we meet. That's not really connecting and concentrating on another human being. Force yourself outside of your comfort zone so as to tell strangers that you noticed something good about them. You will make their day and your own. You may even find yourself with some new friends by end of week.

5) Volunteer at an elderly care center, a children's cancer clinic, or an AIDS hospice center . They will love you for just showing up and in conversing with them you'll learn all about people's real regrets in life. People never say, "I really did experience too many adventures." Instead, they almost always comment on all of adventures they denied themselves. They talk of how if they had it to do all over again... how they'd be more spontaneous and loving. There's nothing quite like seeing folks at end of their life to make you really appreciate your own. Spend some time giving of yourself to those who don't have a lot of time left and you'll soon come to realize how much world has to offer. Perhaps you will want to take a bigger bite out of life before it's too late?

All of these ideas are variations on same theme. You are to practice becoming spontaneous. The whole point of a too tight comfort zone is that you do not give yourself room to be free, playful, and spontaneous. You are too self-censoring and too routine for your own happiness. Once you've tried a few things on this list, then make a list of 100 things that you want to accomplish before you die and start doing them. Have a wonderful time with this concept. There's no reason to expand your comfort zone so as to take on more work duties or more responsibilities. You will have enough of that thrust upon you in life. You're going to do this one for your own happiness and nobody else's. Give yourself permission to expand your wings so you can fly a little higher and a little further to see what else is out there.

Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge

My daughter came home from school a couple of months ago and every other word was 'like.' Like there was this kid at school and like they were like so out of control! The teacher like had to like send them to office because like they wouldn't sit down and like respect class. I giggled to myself as I stood there fixing dinner and listening to her 13-year-old lingo. I asked her if she knew how much she was saying 'like.' She argued that she wasn't saying it. Just like a lot of people would argue that they aren't' guilty of negative self-talk. So, as she carried on her conversation for next few minutes, I just said, "like" right after she did. Over and over, I'd just quietly say, "like" until we were both able to laugh together. She was quickly able to alter her speech patterns once she was forced into awareness.

It can really be that simple. Offer to help your friend to overcome their automated negative comments by playing same game with them. If they are guilty of saying a particular derogatory statement repeatedly, then offer to help them to break pattern. If you can admit to yourself that you are one of those people who says negative things about yourself without even really thinking about it, then ask someone to help you to stop. You would be amazed at how quickly you can stop behavior if someone will just make you take notice. Self-awareness is key to ending negative self-talk.

If you are too embarrassed to ask for help, or you don't have anyone that you would trust enough to help you, then you're going to have to make a huge effort to become more aware of words you speak during casual conversation. It's much more difficult, but still doable. Imagine that negative statements are cuss words. You wouldn't want to throw those kinds of words out around your boss would you? You wouldn't want to use them around children would you? You wouldn't use them around your grandma would you? Attach same 'no way!' attitude to those negative self-talk statements. Start really listening to yourself. There's really no need to beat yourself up when you catch yourself rattling off these statements, just take notice and make a promise to yourself that you'll stop. Keep noticing, until you do stop.

Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge