An example: The feeling-image might be – “The world is a black hole with huge teeth and I am totally alone, powerless and vulnerable. There is no one around to help me and I’m about to be swallowed-up by black hole!” All this in psyche of a very young child.

Beliefs:

From this totally unconscious place in ourselves we create and gather beliefs from world around us to allow us to survive in this horror.

Examples of these might be – “I will only be safe if I build a wall of people around me, to keep out deep sense of isolation and loneliness I feel”. “I must also do whatever it takes to keep people around me, no matter what it costs me physically and emotionally”. “If I’m alone I will die!”

Unfortunately, what also happens is that we create alongside those beliefs, other ones that say such things as ”I don’t deserve to be loved by people around me so they will leave me, and if they don’t, I will make them leave me”. “I don’t want people to get too close to me, because when they abandon me I will feel terrible again”

Behaviours:

We act in such ways as to bring about these outcomes – promiscuous sexual behaviour for example, to make people “want to be with me so I won’t be alone”, but at same time, we choose people who continue to abandon us. Etc. Etc. We have entirely forgotten – we never knew – that we have set this up to happen way it does, so we blame those around us, and world, for what happens to us.

All of this confirms and reinforces what we believe about world and ourselves, in a self-reinforcing loop.

There is hope!

The solution is to bring this deep unconscious “source code” into consciousness, so that we can begin understand why things happen they way they do and so that we can choose consciously nature, content and experience of our lives.

First Aid For The Soul is offered at: www.becomereal.com

www.becomereal.com has more information about this, and offers, if you choose, an evaluation of particular unconscious survival dynamics that you have set up in your life.

It does this through a short series of all-encompassing questions that allows an algorithm (The Universal Generator) to access your particular dynamic in a four-dimensional belief/behaviour “landscape.

It offers simple, but profound, ways for you to move your life back into consciousness.

It also has a unique, direct process that enables you to make decision to change your life.

Years of study and personal research into the underlying nature of existing consciousness traditions and modern consciousness research have gone into the development of the understandings behind this model.

This includes hands-on work in relationship therapy, with relationships of all kinds, families and post-natal depression groups.

I have also written and/or illustrated over 80 early reader children’s books.

ctaylor@becomereal.com

Here is an example: Don and Joyce are in a continual power struggle over how to handle their children. Joyce tends to be authoritarian while Don is fairly permissive. When Joyce gets frustrated with Don's parenting, she generally yells at him about his permissiveness. Don often listens to Joyce rant and rave at him. Sometimes she goes on for over an hour and he just listens. Then, when he tries to talk with her, she refuses to listen. Don then feels victimized, complaining about how Joyce yells at him and refuses to listen to him.

When I asked Don in a counseling session with him why he sits and listens to Joyce, he stated that he hoped if he listened to her she would listen to him. I asked if she ever does listen during these conflicts, and he answered "No."

"Why do you need her to listen to you?" "I want to explain to her why I did what I did with children." "Why do you need to explain it to her?" "So she won't be mad at me."

Don allows himself to be yelled at by Joyce as his way of trying to control Joyce, hoping to get her to approve of him. Then he tried to explain to further control how she feels about him. When she won’t listen, he feels victimized by her yelling, blaming her for being such an angry, controlling person.

If Don were willing to take responsibility for approving of himself through his connection with his Higher Power, he would not listen to Joyce when she was yelling at him. Instead, he would set a limit against being yelled at, stating that he would listen to her only when she spoke to him with respect and only when she was open to learning with him. But as long as she has to approve of him for him to feel secure or worthy, he will not set this limit. Until Don opens to his spiritual Guidance for his security and worth, instead of handing this job to Joyce, he will be a victim of her unloving behavior.

Taking responsibility for our own feelings of worth and lovability through developing our spiritual connection, instead of giving that job to others, moves us out of being victims and into personal power.