Finding Your SoulmateWritten by Kenneth A. Sprang and Carol Sprang, MA, RNC, LCPC
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I would like to suggest that there are two criteria for a soulmate. First, a soulmate is one who shares your vision and attitude about life and views world “through same glasses” as you do. Second, a soulmate is as concerned about your happiness and your pursuit of your life’s dreams, as he/she is about his/her own. As I worked through pain, grief, and inevitable self-discovery following end of my first marriage of over 25 years, I begin to realize that my first wife—a fine person with whom I continue to enjoy a valued relationship—and I viewed world from a completely different perspective. I often told story of being with our two children on Mt. Mansfield in Stowe, Vermont. One can drive to peak of mountain, but then it must be explored on foot. One of natural attractions is “Nose,” a rock formation that requires some modest agility to climb. My daughter—10 or 12 at time, promptly scampered up to crest of nose. I followed as far as I could go before my fear of heights stopped me. When we climbed down, her mother asked “Why on earth would you climb up there?” My daughter Heidi promptly answered “Because its there.” I understand exactly what Heidi meant, though her mother did not. When I met my wife Carol I discovered that she was always first one up mountain—“because its there.” I invite you to think about your vision of life and its purposes. Where is your life leading you? What is your purpose in life? What to you want to be, do, and have in life? Give some time to forming your vision or world view. Then armed with your vision be alert to a partner who brings a similar vision to life. Then be aware of whether this partner is as genuinely concerned about encouraging you to follow your dreams and pursue your life vision, as he or she is about pursuing his own. If you find all that, chances are you have found your soulmate.
Kenneth and Carol Sprang, direct Bethesda-Chevy Chase Counseling & Consulting in Bethesda, providing Imago Relationship Therapy, relationship and executive coaching, individual and couples counseling, and business consulting. (301) 907-3377. ken@singlestosoulmates.com. http://www.singlestosoulmates.com
| | The Quest for Intimacy and Passion: Challenges for the ACDWritten by Kenneth A. Sprang and Carol Sprang, MA, RNC, LCPC
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The option of cohabitation and availability of divorce as an option also impact our attitude toward marriage. Adult children of divorce are more likely to prefer cohabitation to marriage or to say they do not want to marry in future. Yet we ACD’s are more likely to put ourselves in situations that promote marriage, such as cohabitation. The most significant finding of study is that ACD’s are much more concerned with intimacy and loyalty as well as passion in relationships than are adults from intact families. Consequently, our expectations are sometimes unrealistic. We did not see a good marriage model, so we have created one in our imagination. The picture may be lovely, but it is not necessarily realistic. On other hand, study found that ACD’s often demonstrate residual strength and maturity and empathy for others borne of their family divorce experience. As Winston Churchill observed, "The farther back you can look, farther forward you are likely to see." Armed with that awareness and our residual strength, we can begin to change our patterns and create a new vision, to live our lives differently. One of things that draws us to use of Imago Relationship Therapy in our counseling and coaching practice, is that Imago allows persons in committed relationships to heal childhood wounds, whether from divorce or some other source. It is a priceless tool for creating new vision. Divorce is a terrible, painful thing. Yet I know that sometimes it is only available resolution to a relationship in conflict. Perhaps with growing knowledge and understanding of some of vulnerabilities that challenge us as adult children of divorce, we can move forward and experience healing. Perhaps we can even begin to reverse divorce statistic.
Kenneth Sprang, MA, JD, and Carol Sprang, MA, RNC direct Bethesda-Chevy Chase Counseling & Consulting in Bethesda, offering Imago Relationship Therapy, relationship and executive coaching, individual and couples coaching and counseling, and business consulting services. (301) 907-3377. ken@singlestosoulmates.com. http://www.singlestosoulmates.com or http://www.bcccounseling.com
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