Continued from page 1
Correct:
"I don't care if you kiss all frogs in world, you aren't bringing that toad to my party." Shelly glared, hands on hips.
Conjunction Tags
Incorrect:
"You look lovely in that dress," Biff said, "and I think you're going to be belle of ball."
Although this break is all right occasionally, it should be used with extreme caution. A better approach is to lend depth to moment at break.
Correct:
"You look lovely in that dress." Biff leaned closer, his words a whisper against her flesh. "I think you're going to be belle of ball."
Showing Impact
Incorrect:
She wanted to scream, to run for help, but she remained frozen, like a trapped animal. "You killed him for money?"
"Exactly," he said.
"How could you?" She asked as adrenalin rushed movement back into her limbs and she backed away.
Obviously this is an excerpt from a larger scene. By time reader finds this exchange, they'll be familiar with all players. To add impact to a statement, it's sometimes best to leave a tag off entirely, especially with a two-character exchange.
Correct:
She wanted to scream, to run for help, but she remained frozen, like a trapped animal. "You killed him for money?"
"Exactly."
"How could you?" Adrenalin flooded her limbs and she backed away.
Multiple Tags
Incorrect:
"You have to understand," Sean said as he clenched her wrists tighter. His eyes darkened with a menacing plea as he stated, "He was evil, I had to do it."
In this paragraph, we are firmly in Sean's head by action described in middle, there is no need to explain he is still speaking.
Correct:
"You have to understand." Sean clenched her wrists tighter. His eyes darkened with a menacing plea. "He was evil, I had to do it."
As with any rules in writing, there are always exceptions. However, once you've changed any of problematic tags in your work to these more active and exciting tags, you'll find pace of your work becomes faster and work overall is much cleaner.
Author of dozens of articles and award winning short stories, Jennifer Turner offers caring and concise critiques for aspiring authors without the high cost of big business editorial services at, ROTO-WRITER CRITIQUE SERVICE http://jturner.00books.com/index.html