Fight, Flight, or Loving Action

Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Continued from page 1

This role modeling exists inrepparttar form of our spiritual Guidance. Tapping into this Guidance is not as hard as you may think - it just takes practice and a deep desire to move out of fight or flight and into loving action.

The steps we can take to move out of automatic fight or flight and into loving actions are:

1. Start to attend to your feelings,repparttar 126145 physical sensations within your body that let you know when you are anxious or afraid.

2. Stop and breathe when you feel fear or anxiety inrepparttar 126146 face of conflict, or inrepparttar 126147 face of another’s fight or flight behavior. Give yourself some breathing time to make a conscious decision rather than go on automatic pilot.

3. Open to learning withrepparttar 126148 source of spiritual Guidance that is always here for all of us by asking with a sincere desire to know, “What isrepparttar 126149 loving action? What is in my highest good andrepparttar 126150 highest good ofrepparttar 126151 other?” Asking this question with a deep desire to learn opensrepparttar 126152 door to receiving information. It does not matter whether you are asking this of your own highest self within, or from an external source of wisdom. The information will come inrepparttar 126153 form of words, pictures, or feelings when you sincerely want to be loving to yourself and others.

4. Take action onrepparttar 126154 information you receive.

Examples of loving action are:

1. Move into compassion forrepparttar 126155 other person, recognizing that he or she would not be in fight or flight without being in fear. Askingrepparttar 126156 other person, again from a deep desire to learn, what he or she is afraid of that is causing this behavior may de-escalaterepparttar 126157 situation and lead to understanding and healing.

2. Ifrepparttar 126158 other person is not open to calm discussion and exploration ofrepparttar 126159 conflict, disengage fromrepparttar 126160 interaction, speaking your truth without anger or blame. For example, you might say, “I don’t want to fight with you. I’m going to take a walk and let’s try to talk about it later.” Or, “This isn’t feeling good between us. Let’s take a break and get together later.”

3. Ifrepparttar 126161 other person has withdrawn from you, loving action may be to do something fun or nurturing for yourself.

Both staying and learning together or taking some time apart to reflect onrepparttar 126162 issues or self-nurture will breakrepparttar 126163 cycle of each person going into fight or flight in reaction torepparttar 126164 other person’s fight or flight. It takes conscious practice to stop going into automatic behavior, butrepparttar 126165 payoff is well worthrepparttar 126166 time it takes to practice loving action.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?", "Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: or

Forgive ... not Seven Times, but Seventy-Seven Times

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach and Consultant

Continued from page 1

We suffer when we’re angry. It causes physiological reactions that damage our health, and drive others away, leaving us to fester in our own isolated hell. We also suffer because we feel guilty about being angry. And we may feel strangled because we can’t act on it. It’s a complicated emotion. It is, however, neither good nor bad in and of itself. Emotions just “are.” They guide us. They tell us what to do.

Anger tells us there is danger and we need to deal with it directly. The problem develops when we have not learned Emotional Intelligence and don’t know how to handle this anger. It can live forever in its raw state if not dealt with, undermining our health. But what if … What ifrepparttar person who did this is dead? Or estranged, like Paco from hjs father? … Or virulently poised to do more harm? Or an apology won’t really do, as in “I’m sorry I was drunk forrepparttar 126144 first 15 years of your life”? Or “I’m sorry I had your father shot by a firing squad in front of your eyes?” What if they absolutely do not deserve our forgiveness? What do we do then? Being adamantly and relentlessly self-forgiving is an EQ competency. At times it’s even harder to forgive ourselves than it is to forgive others, and we stand in need as well.

While we are all Paco, we are all, also, his father. We create our own world, and as we refuse to forgive others, we refuse to allow others to forgive us. What goes around comes around. Being forgiving – forgiving yourself and others – is highly recommended. The person you’re harboringrepparttar 126145 hatred for isn’t likely to be affected by it, but you are which makes you twicerepparttar 126146 victim, and morerepparttar 126147 fool. You are demanding from them something they can’t or won’t give, and you therefore remain tied to them forever. They don’t deserve you to forgive them, but you deserve to forgive them. HELL

I’m reminded of Dante’s “Inferno.” Inrepparttar 126148 fifth ring of hell live “the Wrathful.” Saysrepparttar 126149 commentary, “they spend their time here either tearing at each other in anger or …” Yes, that’s being in hell.

But even more fitting isrepparttar 126150 ninth and final circle of Hell, Cocytus, which is ice cold (those farthest from God’s love). There we find those who betrayed those to whom they should forever have been faithful, those treacherous to kin, andrepparttar 126151 image is this -- two people are frozen inrepparttar 126152 same hole so that one can gnaw atrepparttar 126153 nape ofrepparttar 126154 other’s neck. An apt metaphor for how we can gnaw at ourselves with resentment and anger.

To paraphrase Paul Pearsall, Ph.D., psychoneuroimmunologist, ‘Go ahead and rant and rave, rage, beat your chest, fight! But torepparttar 126155 victor goesrepparttar 126156 bypass.’

For your own mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health, you must learn how to let it go. Work with a coach to develop your Emotional Intelligence. Anger directly affects our immunological system, which is our health, and it is an ongoing part of life for all of us. It’srepparttar 126157 price we pay for being human.

©Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach and Consultant, . Coaching, business programs, Internet courses, teleclasses, and ebooks around Emotional Intelligence for your wellness, success and happiness. for FREE ezine. Put “ezine” for subject line. Susan is the author of The EQ Foundation Course, .

    <Back to Page 1 © 2005
Terms of Use