“Yes!” Roger laughs. He obviously gets pleasure out of being resistant.

Roger has a deep fear of engulfment. As soon as someone wants something from him, his terror of losing himself is activated and he automatically resists. He does not even stop to ask himself if he wants to do whatever it is other person wants. He does not stop to think about what he wants or what is in his highest good. He just resists. He resists because not being controlled is more important to him than anything. Not being controlled is more important to Roger than being loving to himself or to others. Not being controlled is his God.

While Laura can certainly be controlling at times – as we all can – she does not cause Roger’s resistance. His choice to resist rather than care about himself and others started as a small child, and has continued into adulthood. As long as not being controlled is more important to Roger than being loving, there is nothing Laura can do.

The real issue is that Roger has never developed an adult part of himself capable of thinking about what is best for him. He is operating from a small child aspect of himself who automatically resists in face of Laura’s requests, just as he did with his mother. Until Roger is willing to do inner work necessary to develop a loving adult self, he will continue to respond on automatic pilot, and Laura will continue to feel unloved by him.

The irony of situation is that Roger is being controlled by his resistance. He is not deciding for himself what he wants and doesn’t want – he is just automatically resisting. He is not even conscious that he is choosing to resist.

Because Roger did not want to lose Laura, he was willing to do some inner work. The first step was to become aware of his resistance.

“Roger, I suggest that you consciously choose to resist rather than just doing it automatically. By choosing it, you will become aware of it. Are you willing to try this, or do you want to resist this too?”

Roger laughed. He could already feel his desire to resist doing what I asked him to do. But he did choose to try it.

Within a few months, Roger was very aware of choosing to resist. He was also aware that it was no longer much fun. It was not making him happy. Roger decided that it was more important for him to be loving than to resist being controlled. He was on road to healing.

Here is a list of suggested supplies to include in your family’s sports first aid kit:

Information: First aid guide or manual

General: Matches, Scissors, Travel Toilet Paper, Anti-diarrheal, Antiseptic wipes, Tweezers, Needle (for splinters), Thermometer, Safety pins, Flashlight, Disposable gloves, Mouthpiece (in case of using CPR), Blanket, Plastic Zip-lock bags (to keep supplies dry), Tissues

Emergencies: Cell phone, Whistle, Personal alarm, Pepper spray, Emergency phone numbers, Maps (with directions to nearest first aid)

Pain and Swelling: Cold pack, Ibuprofen

For cuts, scrapes, blisters: Bandages of different sizes, Antibiotic cream or hydrocortisone cream, Mole skin dressing kit, Sterile gauze, Adhesive tape, Antiseptic solution, Non-stick gauze pads

Sun protection/heat exhaustion: Misting water bottle, Cold pack, Sunscreen, Lip balm, Aloe Vera lotion

Fractures, strains, sprains, pulled muscles: Neoprene joint braces, Compression bandage/ice wrap, Cold pack, Two triangle shaped pieces of cloth for a sling or tourniquet

Dehydration: Filled water bottle, Sports drink

Allergic Reactions: Calamine lotion, Epinephrine (for bee stings), Antihistamine, Recommended medications

Insect Bites: Epinephrine (for bee stings), Insect repellent, Cold pack (reduces swelling of bug bites)

Assemble your supplies and customize your family sports first aid kit for each event or outing.

Disclaimer: This information is not intended as a substitute for professional medical treatment or consultation. Always consult with your physician in event of a serious injury.