Written by Sherlock Tidpit

Continued from page 1

And last but not least, fire-fighters, police and emergency response personnel (traditionallyrepparttar subject of made-for-TV dramas), are staging sit-downs in order to give their feet a rest and to protestrepparttar 118074 influx of reality-TV shows starring foolhardy folk who are undermining their job opportunities for walk-on parts, consulting roles, or professional posing gigs as hunks for charity balls and fundraising calendars.

The only bright light onrepparttar 118075 horizon is a dramatic boost in holiday bookings to "Fool's Paradise", (a boon torepparttar 118076 flagging hospitality, travel and airline transportation industries), and a firstly quarterly earnings report issued byrepparttar 118077 U.S. Mattress Manufacturing Industry Trade Group indicating brisk sales in coiled bedding but a plummeting demand for waterbeds since January 2005.

With such a grave situation at hand,repparttar 118078 United Nations,repparttar 118079 World Bank, andrepparttar 118080 European Union, not to mentionrepparttar 118081 White House and 10 Downing Street have announced that “the following List of Famous Last Words shall be banished forthwith, immediately, and “toute de suite” from all public speech and discourse”.

These drastic measures are being taken inrepparttar 118082 hope of restoring peace on earth and goodwill toward men (not to mention a very long list of other affirmative action members of society, who forrepparttar 118083 needs of brevity shall remain forever nameless, at least in this agonizingly arduous article on much ado about nothing of vital importance or cataclysmic proportions inrepparttar 118084 hitherto inexplicable grand scheme of things…unless of course one has successfully completed "Introduction to Philosopy 101", "Elementary Quantum Physics 102", or "Zen for Men 999".)

And, for those who have been waiting, (with baited breath naturally), forrepparttar 118085 “Top 10 Banned Famous Last Words List”, here they are:

-- That’s cool - some of my best friends have useless appendages like that.

-- That would be mine thank you.

-- What duck! ...I'mrepparttar 118086 bleeding Fickle Finger of Fate for pete's sake!

-- Now I ask you, what wouldrepparttar 118087 Truth Turtle do in this situation?

-- Oh don’t be so superstitious!

-- These arerepparttar 118088 good kind of mushrooms, (Martha told me so).

-- Look, if “The-Great-Sees-All-Knows-All-Spirit-of-Everything” doesn’t need them, neither should you!

-- Okay, so who let you intorepparttar 118089 gene pool?

-- I can do this with my eyes closed ... but what does this little button do?

-- The odds of that happening are a million to one!

* * *

Sherlock Tidpit is a remarkable rumpus room monitor and even more impressive, he is a rule-of-thumbing runagate with a very skewed assessment of reality which makes him a valuable vestigial remnant in the Court of the Quipping Queen at www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com


Written by Victoria Elizabeth

Continued from page 1

Press Secretary for “The Quipping Queen”, Count Guidobaldo Le Touquet, indicated that “oodles of Boffos and Bling Blingers, Joy-Riding Jokesters and Happy–Go-Lucky Hoodwinkers, plus an assortment of Goofy Goddesses, Moxie Mavens and Spunky Sprites will have a jolly good time on this auspicious occasion!”

Dr. Thor Trewoofe, Professor Emeritus of Laughing Matters, recommended that “those with light heads and light hearts wear fanciful fool’s caps and dazzling dunce hats so as to distinguish themselves from marginally merry souls if notrepparttar mirth-challenged mortarboard members of Victoria’s three esteemed Ivory Tower Institutes of Inklings.”

For just $5 plusrepparttar 118073 cost of a barmy beverage (with a very long, impressive, foreign-sounding name) or a smashing snack (with a short but incredibly snooty menu label), fools may rush in and enjoyrepparttar 118074 high jinks, tacky treats, and piffling prizes as well as applaudrepparttar 118075 winners of some very incredulous achievements.

Date: Friday, April 1, 2005 (April Fools' Day)

Time: 7:00 p.m.

Place: James Bay Coffee & Books 143 Menzies Street Victoria, British Columbia* (Canada)


* Inrepparttar 118076 heart of beautiful downtown Victoria, British Columbia conveniently situated not far fromrepparttar 118077 major Inner Harbor tourist attraction, a delightfully decorated Pecksniffian playground, known affectionately asrepparttar 118078 Provincial Legislature.

NOTE: Lollygagging-lifestyle and levity-focused folk wishing to know more about “The Quipping Queen", (awarded top honors as ‘best of breed’ humor blog in 2004 by CanadaBlogs.com and Weblogs.com) are cordially invited to visitrepparttar 118079 virtual vanity chest of chortles, guffaws, and shenanigans at http://www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com./ and our brand-new online giggle gallery at www.flickr.com/photos/quippingqueen

Victoria Elizabeth, a notorious Lady of Leisure who enjoys lollygagging about in the ludicrous if not loopy lane of life when she's not busy keeping her quibbling quidnuncs and constipated courtiers in line over at The Quipping Queen -- www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com

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