4. Others are used or seen as objects for personal gratification. No true intimacy is developed.

5. Sexuality is often confused with other needs or connected to unresolved past pain or trauma. A child who experiences confusion around sexuality or sexual abuse of one form or another, may carry along that confusion and attempt to “work that through” in a marriage or extramarital affairs. (I worked with one woman who “used” a one-night fling with a significant person to “clear up” a particular issue.) She was free of that “urge” from that point on. No one ever knew. Could she have chosen a different way? Maybe.

6. Such a person lives in a distorted world. They come to see world and relationship through eyes of their “addiction.” They have a great capacity to rationalize their behavior, deceive others and may lead a “dual” life.

Tip: If you suspect these characteristics fit you or someone you love, get some help before your world disintegrates further or falls apart. Life can be different. Life, sexuality, a truly intimate relationship IS different. You can get there. You are stuck, and need some true love, care and guidance to arrive at next level.

If you are interested in learning about 6 other forms of infidelity I outline in my book, "Break Free From Affair," visit my website.

5. Do you really want to save marriage or do you see yourself as incapable of getting out? Your self-esteem may be at rock bottom. You may think of yourself as incapable of starting over, incapable of starting a new relationship, incapable of making transition to a new life and incapable of making decisions on your own. It is not unusual for spouse of someone who can’t say no to lose her sense of dignity and self-respect as he attempts to control, intimidate and dictate.

6. Do you really want to save marriage or do you need to protect him? Do you see beyond what is there to him basic emptiness and fear? It’s there and you know it? Perhaps you fear what might happen to him if you do indeed leave? Will he be able to cope? What destructive path might he take next? So you hang in there, aware of his underlying pain and hope some day it will be addressed.

7. Do you really want to save marriage or do you live in fear that if you talk about leaving you will face danger? Perhaps you might face violence? You might face emotional game playing at a new level of intensity? Does it seem wiser to hold back, not confront, not move toward change for fear of what he might say or do? Do you sometimes feel frozen with fear?

8. Do you really want to save marriage or have you given no thought to how you might start over? This is a little different than fear of starting over. Perhaps your life has been so wrapped around his or care of your children that you have given little, if any, thought to you. Have you thought of your desires, your skills, your dreams, your hopes and your future apart from him? Or, apart from your children?

Take some time to seriously and thoughtfully address these questions. Once you do, you may experience a new found freedom to act and move in new ways.