I was blessed earlier in life to have a couple who had been married over twenty-six years model this for me. Whenever anyone saw them together, they were holding hands and playfully giddy as if they had just started dating. When I asked what caused her to be this much in love with a man after so many years of marriage, she responded, "He fascinates me."

Let that sink in a moment.

Are you an interesting person? Would you consider yourself intriguing? Do you have interests in life that cause other people to want to be around you, or are you often bored?

A few things to note:

* Bored people are boring people.

* Having interests will help make us more fascinating in life.

* In world of relationship enrichment, "Couch Potatoes Need Not Apply".

Relationship Success Lesson #3 - The Principle of Forgiveness

As I stood and watched, two children were running on playground in opposite directions, and I saw it coming before they did. They each circled same object until they literally met in middle. Two more kids came around and did same thing.

Tempers flared, emotions ran high, tears ran down their cheeks and feelings were hurt. Less than two minutes later, they were off running and playing together, and all was forgotten.

What would happen in adult relationships if we learned how to do that? Instead of internalizing everything, we learn not to take it all so personally. Instead of holding grudges, we learn to hold hands.

Children have soft hearts - life can sometimes harden them.

Sheds a little light on phrase, "Except you become like little children", doesn't it?

(C)Copyright 2004 advice-for-lifetime-relationships.com by Stanley J. Leffew ALL RIGHTS RESERVED!

No, in fact manners is about letting it all hang IN. Keeping some things inside, quiet, and to oneself, turning down volume, slowing down pace, out of consideration for other. Allowing other person some comfort, some space, some peace.

“A bore,” says Miss Post, “is said to be ‘one who talks about himself when you want to talk about yourself!’ which is superficially true enough,” she adds, “but a bore might more accurately be described as one who is interested in what does not interest you, and insists that you share his enthusiasm, in spite of your disinclination.” Boring others, then, is an act of rudeness (and one of my least favorites), because there is no thought given to interests or comfort of other.

“Nearly all faults or mistakes in conversation,” says Miss Post, “are caused by not thinking.” Ah hah! Or by thinking only of oneself.

“A first rule for behavior in society,” she continues, “is: ‘Try to do and say those things only which will be agreeable to others.”

How far away from this we have gotten!

So, to have good manners we must learn actions – “trivialities of deportment” – and then stop and think when we’re with others. Then we can avoid being tactless. “…[Y] ou must not talk about unattractiveness of old age to elderly, about joys of dancing and skating to lame, or about advantages of ancestry to self-made,” says Miss Post.

Avoiding being rude, has a lot to do with Emotional Intelligence which, like good manners, can be learned. EQ requires self-awareness and empathy – ability to understand how your behavior affects others (and their feelings). It requires a strong interface between emotions and thinking. Blurting out first thing on your mind (“What an ugly dress!) is rarely tactful thing to do. To be considerate of others takes Intentionality – intending to treat others well, and exercising self-discipline to do it. You might lower your voice, you know, steer subject away from unpleasant things, cover your mouth when you cough ….

It’s easier to be rude. If you don’t believe this, watch two children at play. They will revert to lowest level. It’s easier to scream, stomp, grab, jabber, be messy and disorderly, and scratch where and when it itches, than to stop and think about what you’re doing, take others into consideration, and act accordingly.

It’s harder to be polite. Of course you’d rather boom your boom box and enjoy your music regardless of others; have a tantrum when you’ve been angered; turn lights on when you come to bed though your spouse is sound asleep; ignore customer because it’s all such a chore, you know, working; or perhaps even hit someone who annoys you. These are easiest things to do, and most mindlessly satisfying, because you can indulge yourself with no thought for others.

But what happens when everyone behaves that way? Then we have a rudeness epidemic. And how will we change that? One person at a time! As Mother Teresa said, when house is dirty don’t complain or call a committee, pick up a broom and start sweeping.