Say something like, “What I hear you saying is…” “Is that right?”

If person you are talking to agrees that you heard accurately, great! If they say, “No, what I said was…” – believe them. Don’t argue or come back with, “That is too what you said.” It is amazing how many times individuals I am working with in communication skills will argue with their partner about what partner said or meant! We all have a tendency to distort somewhat based on our own experiences. That is why reflecting back what we thought we heard is important.

4)Ask open-ended questions about content or information being shared.

Open-ended questions cannot be answered with “yes” or “no”. They invite speaker to give you more information and to expand on what they are saying. Open-ended questions often start with “how” or “what”, or “tell me more…”

5)Try to imagine how person you are talking to feels about what they are talking about.

This is a skill called “empathy” and is essential for close, meaningful conversation. Share back your sense of how information is impacting them, such as, “That must make you happy.” Or, “It must be hard for you when that happens.” Connecting on an emotional level shows you are listening and truly understand them.

If you practice these five steps faithfully, you will be amazed at how much better your relationships will become both at home and at work.

Think outside box. Get creative. Write down all solutions. Don’t eliminate possibilities for any reason, even if they are “way out” or sound crazy. This makes it fun!

4.Discuss each suggestion.

Give pros and cons. Put a check by possibilities. Cross out ones that are unrealistic or not acceptable to one of you. Consider whether two or three can be combined to make a better option. Be open to new ideas.

5.Choose an option that is acceptable to both of you.

Don’t say “yes” if you have reservations. You won’t follow through.

6.Set a date a week or two into future to sit down and discuss how this solution is working.

Practice solution during that time and note how it works.

7.Celebrate that your relationship is important enough to spend time to find a “win-win’ solution.

Now, forget your differences and have some fun!