When our children are in high school, they begin to form new friendships, and start going out on weekends. We worry about so many things during this time, and rightfully so. With drugs and alcohol abuse at an all time high, it is a frightening time for parents. While we must be diligent in keeping lines of communication open, we must also remember that our children need some privacy too. As much as we wish they would tell us everything, fact is, they will not. We have to respect that. All we can really do is let them know that we are there for them, no matter what.

When time does come that our children marry or graduate from high school and leave for college, it can be difficult to deal with emotions that we feel. We try to hide our sadness from others because these events in a child’s life are supposed to be happy occasions. While we are happy for our children, we are also feeling a deep sense of loss. We have to remember that these feelings are perfectly normal, and not be afraid to seek out comfort from friends and family.

Even though this time in a mother's life can be a difficult time, it can also be a time of refreshing and a time for new beginnings. It can be a time of reflection, and a time to rejoice for a job well done.

Did you ever have dreams that you put on back burner, and said to yourself, "Maybe when kids are grown?" Now is time to bring those dreams out, brush them off, and move forward. Maybe you had always thought about going back to school or starting a business. Whatever it is, know that it is never to late. Remember, Moses was 80 years old when he led Israelites out of Egypt.

Ever wanted to try your hand at painting? Or maybe you always wanted to start writing. Maybe now is a good time to start a journal. What are you particularly good at? Turn it into an extra source of income. There are many things that you can do to alleviate feelings of sadness and loneliness.

I am reminded of verse in Ecclesiastes 3:4, which says, " A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance." Let this be your time to laugh and your time to dance.

•Give children definite, fair, and un-hypocritical limits that are socially acceptable, and as free as possible. Your children want your respect and approval, so "discipline" them by withdrawing yourself from them - only for as long as socially unacceptable behaviour continues. The only "reward" for "good" behaviour is social acceptance - "good" behaviour should be considered as "normal", nothing special.

•Children are naturally fully intelligent - they are only lacking experience and information.

•Encourage physical and emotional “robustness" so that they can take, and enjoy, whatever textures life has for them. Don’t over-protect or smother a child when hurt. Encourage self-reliance by supporting them to help themselves. But beware, this is not an excuse for abuse or neglect, it’s a call for diligent, parentally-nurtured self-reliance. Encourage self-confidence and self-responsibility. (If a child is obsessively over-protected, with "message" that they are not capable, then they will be incapable).

•Uninhibited physical contact is very important – avoid imparting your own phobias and obsessions to them. Again, this is not an excuse for abuse – as parents and caregivers we must do work on ourselves, to become free of our own dysfunction.

•Bring about an awareness and appreciation of beauty. (A person, who is happy, and aware of beauty, cannot deliberately destroy that beauty, or harm others or planet).

•Action and behaviour need to come out of willingness never fear. (Discipline coming out of fear and hate can never allow a person to be "whole" and creative).

•Uninterrupted "daydreaming" has been found to be a crucial element in well-being and growth, because lateral thinking, creativity, and internal connections happen in this mind state. Allow children this space – if they over-daydream, it’s possible that there is some unresolved issue in child’s life that needs attending to.

•Avoid trying to "convince" a younger child with "reason", just state your position and hold to it firmly and lovingly.

•Allow children to develop at their own rate, (physically, mentally, and emotionally), while continuing to provide an environment that draws them on.

•Try not to limit a child's exploring - exploring is absolutely natural and necessary.

•Avoid creating conflict with a child by denying them doing what you are doing, or having, yourself - if you can't change your own ways, (to lead by example), then allow them a minimum of what you are doing or having, (while seeming to allow a lot). Conflict born of (perceived) unfairness is a big problem.

Summary •The child needs to be genuinely delighted in. •No parent is "perfect" – intention, awareness and self-honesty are what are important. •Parents need to be firm, consistent, non-violent (physically or emotionally), non-materialistic, un-hypocritical and loving. •No put-downs, no guilt, no devaluing.

Clive Taylor has spent years of research into consciousness, zero-point physics theory, emergence theory, memes and many other new understandings coming out of mathematics, physics, sociology and psychology. His ongoing work as relationship therapist is bringing deep revelations about the nature of our psyches. Author/illustrator children’s books and co-creator of a music CD.