Empathy Starts at Home!Written by Manya Arond-Thomas
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For example, if you have perfectionist tendencies you may be unforgiving towards yourself or others when mistakes are made. Or, if I violate a value I espouse such as fairness, integrity, or equality, I may judge myself harshly, as well as those whom I also perceive, rightly or wrongly, to violate that value. Likewise, when we see certain behaviors that we attribute to characteristics or values we view as negative, it's a good bet that we'll have difficulty being empathic. I had a client who, when she saw others seeking to acquire things for themselves, labeled – and rejected – that behavior as "selfish" and "greedy." Yet, on further inquiry, it turned out that she rejected her own "greediness", which was actually a desire to be more assertive in getting her needs and desires met. Thus, her judgment grew out of a belief acquired in childhood, that attempting to get her needs met was selfish and greedy. What's value in paying attention to your personal empathy quotient? 1. When you are un-empathic and judgmental toward those things that consciously cause you trouble, it's difficult to look at them and work with them. With empathy, you can do just that, allowing yourself to develop greater self-efficacy and competence in those areas. 2. Becoming aware of your unconscious shadow self or blind spots gives you access to motivations, needs, and desires that may actually be a source of untapped power for you. Remember my client who rejected "greediness"? When she reclaimed her own "greediness", she was able to act more fully on her own behalf, achieve greater competence and authority in creating what she wanted and needed, thus enhancing her sense of personal power. Would you benefit from being less hard on yourself? If so, ask yourself what judgments you make about yourself that might be limiting your effectiveness or your desired results? Then, practice releasing judgment. Creating loving spaciousness in your self will certainly allow something new to emerge! (c) Copyright 2003. Manya Arond-Thomas, all rights reserved.
Manya Arond-Thomas, M.D., is the founder of Manya Arond-Thomas & Company, a coaching and consulting firm that catalyzes the creation of “right results” through facilitating executive development, high-performance teams and organizational effectiveness. She can be reached at (734) 480-1932 or e-mailed at manya@arond-thomas.com. Subscribe to Emotional Intelligence at Work mailto:manya_list@aweber.com
| | 'Tis The SeasonWritten by Dr. Susan Rempel
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Another suggestion to make your holiday bright and joyous is to act like a kid. Often people will suggest that you view holidays “through eyes of a child.” To that I say: “you are missing half of fun.” Yes, it is a good idea to view things as if you were a child, but remember that actions are just as important as thoughts. For example, consider all those holiday television shows and videos you loved to watch as a child. Somehow, you have not found time to watch them for years. Well, this is year to start that tradition once again. If you can, watch them with a child. However, it doesn’t matter if a child is watching program with you. The important thing is to remember to be child-like. How will you ensure that you take on a juvenile persona for evening? Stock up on all those fun things that a child likes to have available while watching a video. For example, you should dress in your most comfortable pajamas, grab a cup of cocoa, and fill up a bowl with popcorn. Then, settle into your most comfortable chair with all goodies and enjoy watching Snoopy decorate his dog house. Now, apply that same principle to all of your holiday related activities. It’s all those little extras that will really add joy to Christmas season. I realize that there may be some readers who feel that they should have begun their holiday planning and organization months ago. To those people I say: “now is time to be industrious!” For example, shopping that has been delayed to last minute can be remedied in several ways. Try going to mall at very beginning or end of shopping day. Consider purchasing an unusual gift that can be found somewhere other than a mall. For goodness sake, do your shopping online! No matter how chaotic and stressful it seems, this holiday season should serve as a life lesson. Make notes for yourself about what went well, what could have been done better, and what was an absolute disaster. Then, form an action plan for next year. It’s never too soon to get organized! The bottom line is: this is season to be jolly, make merry, and recall joy that can fill your life. The holiday season is time to be child-like. It is a time to overlook life’s little irritations and be grateful for all wonderful aspects of what has been given to you. I wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy New Year, and a joyous time no matter what holiday you will be celebrating in upcoming weeks! This article (including copyright notice) may be reprinted with following following attachment: © 1998 - 1999 Susan C. Rempel, Ph.D. All rights reserved. - begin attachment - © 1998 - 1999 Susan C. Rempel, Ph.D. All rights reserved. Get motivated with UnCommon Courtesy & Coaching! Motivational products and services for children, parents, and teachers that reinforce positive behavior, good manners, a positive outlook on life, and life success. Supplies for parents and teachers. Games, books, computer games, bingo cards, and toys. Get a copy of our FREE holiday planner. visit us at: http://www.uncommoncourtesy.com - end attachment -
Susan is well known for her seemingly boundless energy and enthusiasm. She has experience working in a wide variety of settings including: a small business, a corporation, academia, a governmental agency, and her own very successful private practice. Dr. Rempel has served on the Board of Directors for both a corporation and a non-profit professional society. She has spent more than a decade mediating, evaluating, and working with families in the midst of divorce.
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