Emotional Intelligence and the Gentle Art of Conversation

Written by Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach


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*Jen, Miss Congeniality, was a pro. When there was silence, she would begin a conversation -- “Well, what did everyone do today?” She would then turn to someone who would speak a little. Then she would askrepparttar next person.

*Major Drag Donald and his wife Edna added nothing positive torepparttar 131005 group. Donald, when he managed to ^getrepparttar 131006 floor^ as surely he thought of it, would drone on about something that could’ve been interesting if it weren’t for his style and demeanor. Then his wife would correct him. For instance, Sally started talking about howrepparttar 131007 rocking ofrepparttar 131008 boat reminded her of earthquakes andrepparttar 131009 San Andreas Fault. This got MD Donald, an engineer professor, talking about geophysics. We could’ve learned some really great stuff if he’d been talking to us instead of a group of Ph.D. geophysicists or whomever he had in mind, and if he‘d cut it short. Then Edna correctedrepparttar 131010 numbers ofrepparttar 131011 Richter scale with hostility.

*Kristina listened to Doctor Bob asking me about emotional intelligence and interjected by asking Doctor Bob, “Are you a Christian?” This is not appropriate overrepparttar 131012 dinner table. Doctor Bob’s response was appropriate: “Kristina, what a charming question. Could you please passrepparttar 131013 butter?”

Here are some dinner conversation rules. Learnrepparttar 131014 rules. When it’s time to break them, your intuition (an EQ competency) will tell you.

1. Avoid controversial subjects. 2. Find something pleasant to talk about in a pleasant tone of voice. 3. Pay attention to nonverbal cues from table mates that you are boring them. 4. Use interpersonal skills to include others. Don’t hogrepparttar 131015 conversation no matter how charming you think you are. 5. Do your part. It’s up to you to make it a pleasant evening. 6. Save private quarrels with your partner for another time; don’t correct them, make hostile comments, criticize or ridicule your partner in public. 7. If you’re greatly skilled, gently ^control^repparttar 131016 flow ofrepparttar 131017 conversation. 8. Don’t be a boring person. When is a person boring? When they’re bored. If you’re bored, why are you? Work on that. (Get a coach!) 9. Have a store of topics at your fingertips when you approachrepparttar 131018 table. Such topics as movies, books, scenery, travel, celebrities, sports, art and questions-about-others are always appropriate. 10. Find new ways to ask old questions. Make this a creative exercise for yourself. For instance, “What do you do when you’re not cruising?” will lead to a far more interesting answer than “What’s your job?” 11. Ask open-ended questions, that is, ones that can’t be answered with “yes” or “no”. 12. You’ll never fail if you show interest in others. If you’re lucky, you’ll be in a high EQ group where such consideration is shared. 13. Conversation’s like volleyball -- keep it inrepparttar 131019 air, set up others, don't hogrepparttar 131020 ball. 14. As Dr. Johnson says, avoid vanity and competition. 15. Spend some time observing talented others.

(c)Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach, offers personal coaching and Internet courses on emotional intelligence. It makes every area of your life work better. Visit her on the web at http://www.susandunn.cc and mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE ezine.


"Eight Steps to Taking Control of Every Situation in Your Life!"

Written by Terry Rich Hartley, Ph.D.


Continued from page 1

4. Identify Your Role. Ask, how am I contributing to my problems? What is my responsibility in all this? Did I decide to be a garbage disposal? Do I beat myself to death trying to please others? Do I expect things of myself that are unfair? Do I treat myself as a friend or an enemy? Do I allow my mental spectators to drive me to distraction, depression, anger, anxiety? Recognizing your role in your own problems is a positive - but scary - step toward knowing yourself and gaining personal command.

5. State Your Desires. Ask, what do I specifically want to do about my problems? Do I want to be a doormat, a slut, a drunk, a friendless geek? Or do I want to rule my mental spectators? Do I want to stand up to a spectator, real or imagined, who puts me down? Do I want to take command of my education, my bank account, my relationships? Until you can actually list your desires inrepparttar order of their importance, you will be a victim. However, once you do this, you are on your way to being a victor.

6. Seek Options. Ask, what are my options, and in what order should I place them? What isrepparttar 131004 first option I should concentrate on? The second one? The third? If you have a soul-sucking hangover most mornings, you might opt to give up your booze buddies for some real friends. Secondly, takerepparttar 131005 money you normally spend at bars and deposit it in a college fund for yourself or your kids. If, instead, you're a workaholic and you want to spend more time with your kids, then DO IT. Very few people on their deathbed have said, "If I could live life all over again, I'd spend more of it at work and less with people I love." Choices are involved here, but by weighing options and alternatives, and then making personal choices, you are taking command. Do this and you'll begin to gain real power.

7. Learn Winning Techniques. Ask, how do I rule my real and my mental spectators? Must I collapse in a heap when they point thumbs down? How can I learn to take charge on every level and get a grip on my life? There is no "magic" involved, but you might feel as if there is. Unlike a vanquished gladiator falling atrepparttar 131006 whim of spectators, you decide your own course.

8. Master Your Relationships. Ask, what more can I do to master my relationships by strengthening myself and my perceptions? How do I take command right now in developing my own identification and self-worth? Congratulations! You're working onrepparttar 131007 one person inrepparttar 131008 entire world you can work on - YOU! And any improvements in yourself can't help but enrich your relationships with other people andrepparttar 131009 world around you.

Although this is only a brief overview of each ofrepparttar 131010 eight steps for jump-starting your relationships and taking control of your life, you'd be amazed at how significantrepparttar 131011 effects of a few minor adjustments in perception can be.

Dr. Hartley is a social psychologist, a scientist, and the author of Tyrants of Self-Concept: Ruling the Rulers, a 122-page ebook that thoroughly describes the eight steps for improving your relationships, taking control of your life, and living the life you want to live. It includes easy-to-relate-to stories, examples, humor, and concrete, practical worksheets and exercises that get results fast. To learn more about how you can apply the steps, go to: www.rulingtherulers.com


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