EQ COMPETENCY: Being adamantly and relentlessly self-forgiving.

Understanding that we’re human, and that we all make mistakes is what this is all about. It takes a lot of practice for most of us to ‘get’ this competency. It involves self-talk and learned optimism, and managing emotions of failures, losses, rejections and mistakes. It isn’t good for your health, your work, or your relationships to be a perfectionist!

7. ACAs have difficulty in identifying, understanding, and expressing their feelings.

EQ COMPETENCY: EQ!

The cornerstone of Emotional Intelligence is self-awareness – being able to identify and understand your feelings. If you lived in an environment where feelings were not welcome, denigrated, mocked, punished, ignored, denied, or lied about, it will take some practice to be able to bring them up, identify them, and understand them. That’s what EQ coaching is all about!

8. ACAs over-value approval of others, and will ignore their own values, preferences and beliefs in deference to others'. Feeling vulnerable, they protect themselves by being overly anxious to please others.

EQ COMPETENCY: Integrated Self, Personal Power and Intentionality.

These competencies help us stay centered, and act with intent, based on our own values, preferences, feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. When we own and claim our Personal Power, we can aim to get along with others with good will, but are no longer driven to please someone else at our own expense.

9. ACAs tend to be addicted to excitement. They are risk seekers who prefer constant upset to workable solutions.

EQ COMPETENCY: Understanding, accepting and processing emotions, operating with Intentionality, and often being able eventually to modulate emotions.

EQ means learning where emotions come from and how they operate and being able to make choices instead of knee jerk reactions. We learn different ‘feel’ or emotions from reptilian brain and limbic brain, and when and how to blend this with thinking brain, neocortex. Understanding where need for excitement comes from allows us to manage it, and avoid chaotic situations that self-sabotage. EQ is all about workable solutions and how to achieve them.

10. ACAs are imprisoned by childhood reactions.

EQ COMPETENCY: Emotional Intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence means understanding where emotions come from, and being able to experience them, consider them, learn from them, and then make a decision to respond (or not), instead of reacting without thinking. Developing your Emotional Intelligence will help you avoid being entrapped in any unrealistic, rash or un-reasoned reaction.

Woman or Man: “So, what do you think of me? Are you disappointed?”

For gosh sakes! Have some confidence already! Read signals. You will know if they are repulsed by you or attracted to you. I once had a date with a man that I had been communicating with over phone for some time. I really liked person he was over phone. About 20 minutes into our first face-to-face date, he asked me if I was disappointed. At time, I turned to him, put my hand behind his head, pulled him close enough to kiss and purred in his ear “Don’t ask me that again”. Had he had any clue or any confidence he would have read that very clear sign and let it go. He would have then had a chance at a second date. However, during rest of evening, he asked me that same question about a half dozen more times. This extreme lack of confidence made him much less attractive to me. So he stayed in friends category (you know, one men hate when there is no chance of sex), and I ended up in a relationship with his best friend who was funny and confident. So men and women, don’t forget, one of most attractive qualities is confidence without arrogance. Even if you don’t have it, fake it until you do!

Man: “I’ll call you later.”

Sure, this one is just fine if you really intend to do it. However, if you really find that you are not interested in this woman, just be honest and tell her “I had a nice time, but I don’t think that relationship is going to go anywhere.” The rejection may be harder to take at first, but it is easier than sitting around waiting for a phone to ring thinking someone is interested in you just to find later that they are not.

Man or Woman: “I used to come here all time with (insert name of ex here). We would always…..(blah-blah-blah)

Do not make mistake of talking about your previous relationships on your first date. This person does not need to feel like they are being compared or measured up to anyone else. After all, we are all a little insecure on that first date. Talking about past relationships is appropriate later in relationship and only if you are asked. Some people really just don’t want to know your relationship history. They are more interested in your present and future. So don’t offer up information before it is inquired about.