Of course no one in their right mind would begin by saying, “Okay, everybody fight! Get ready, get set, Go!” But toy with that notion for a moment. What do you think would happen if you did? By welcoming it, you take away its power. Even if you said this to two preschoolers, they’d probably giggle.

It’s traditional in my family that kids are always sick at Christmas. We live in South Texas; it’s allergy time. However, it has traveled with us as well! This is one thing we can count on. It’s also traditional that some of us are tired and overwrought, and more highstrung ones will be decompensating. Some of kids are this way too.

I remember one Christmas when I was a kid when my folks just suddenly brought whole thing to a halt and put us all to bed for a nap. That’s sensible!

There are other “traditions” I won’t go into, but let’s just say people don’t leave their regular personalities at home when they venture out at Christmas time.

It may be tradition in your household that Granny will complain about commercialism of Christmas (she always does), Uncle Fred and Aunt Mary won’t be talking to one another (they never do), and Candee will be dressed inappropriately (just to embarrass her parents). Is further tradition that you worry about these things or in some way try to prevent them happening? That might be one tradition you’d like to change this year. You might as well try and stop tide, and you’ll only make yourself miserable about being miserable.

You could also rid your mind of “nevers” and “always.” People do surprise us. It has been said “you can’t go home again” because things change. It won’t be there when you get there. Maybe this year Granny will have made her peace with commercialism. Ya never know.

Am I talking about extreme circumstances and crises? They can happen too. In our minds Christmas Day is something special, but in grand scheme of things, it’s a day when things that happen on any day can happen. I know several people who, sadly, had a relative die on Christmas Day, one even right at dinner table.

The only thing you can control – better to say “manage” – is your response to things that happen. You can’t control what happens.

If things are really bad, you know it, and you need to do something about it, and I hope you will. Get therapy, prescribe therapy, don’t show up, go with your loving partner on a cruise, or don’t invite cousin who needs to be in rehab and tell him why and pray for him.

But if it’s like it is for most of us, somewhat unpredictable and nutty enough to be real, I hope you have a great, albeit imperfect Christmas, and keep your expectations flexible and low and your emotional intelligence high.

I’m thinking of first Christmas after my son died. “Have a Christmas,” one of my sensitive friends told me. I did. You can too.