Dying: A Family Rite of PassageWritten by Maggie Vlazny, MSW
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The answers, though painful as all growing is, turned out to be simple. We called a secret, emergency powwow of his brothers and sisters. It was last family gathering from which he was excluded. A very wise uncle settled hotly debated issue of whether he should be told by saying: "He'll be leaving you soon enough. Why put a distance between you even sooner by pretending? You can put all that energy into helping each other get through this." Once my father was told we decided together, with him, to treat his passing as natural though untimely event that it was. He would do it at home, among his loved ones. Just as birth is no longer something that happens to women but a process they participate in, my father's death did not happen to him. He died. We never pretended that he would get well, or treated him suddenly differently because he was dying. More often than not it was he who comforted us, retaining to end identity of father we'd known and loved. This was a family that never learned to say good-bye. Anyone going away on a long trip would find, at door, that everyone had suddenly disappeared. It hurt too much to take leave of each other. Now, of course, we had to. We wanted to. Each of us spent private time with him saying all things you always mean to say to someone you love and somehow never do. And in those quiet, solemn talks, mostly filled with affirmations, he launched us. We flew. My young brother came forward with a strength we had not known was there because we had not needed to look. Two grown daughters and a wife stopped being girls at last because man who had always sheltered them needed women now. We learned to give, and he to receive. His relinquishment of outer cares freed him to undergo a long overdue spiritual journey, a journey he shared every step of way. He groped for, wrestled with, and found his God, and left us with his finger pointed in right direction. We didn't just sit and watch him die. We all participated. It was intensely painful, but intensely intimate. I learned more about my father in those last few weeks than I had in 32 years, or might have in another 32. There was a feeling of wholeness in his passing with, rather than from, us. It was as if old age and wisdom that accompany it had been condensed, but not lost. I miss him, but not who he would have been. It could have been worse. Copyright 2000 Margaret Vlazny, LCSW
Maggie Vlazny is a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist and RCI Singles Coach practicing in Fairfield County, CT. For more information, please see her website at www.therapyct.com or contact maggie@therapyct.com
| | Prom Season is Just Around the Corner, Do You have Your Prom Dress? Written by David Kunstek
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You can knock off hundred bucks or more on your prom dress by shopping around. Often, that name brand dress that you are dying to get your hands on will have a knock off that is very similar for much less. If you can't find a ride to drive around looking, try using Internet to help you search different designers and store websites. Most stores or boutiques have a website with even more options then actual store. Remember, though, buying it through website means paying shipping and handling. If you see something you just must have online, call local store and request them to order dress for you. Perhaps they even carry it and you didn't spot it. By all means, if money is not an issue, shop till you drop, or at least until you find perfect prom dress for you. Prom dresses aren't only thing to think about during prom season, but every girl is more comfortable and feels like princess if she is wearing a great looking prom dress. It's your night, so you should be able to show off yourself with a gorgeous prom dress!
Written by David Kunstek, webmaster and author of http://www.prom-show.com. This article may be reproduced as long as a Live link back to http://www.prom-show.com is present on the web page.
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