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However, fear lures is ugly head once again and I find myself alone and crying. I am saying, "God, please help me to be strong. Please—help—me."
Another family member, my Dad, is scheduled for an echocardiogram. Wait a minute! My Dad? An echocardiogram? No, this can't be. He's my father! No, he can't have a heart problem. No way. He's guy who plays piano like there's no tomorrow and is my musical hero. He's guy I gigged with for first time at sixteen. He's active. People love him.
God, what's happening?
I am afraid again.
Where'd my faith go? Is it still there? If it is, why am I so full of fear? It's too much at once, God.
I need your help. Please help turn my fear into faith. Please help me to take comfort in You.
God, please help me walk walk and not just talk talk.
And then I realize that it's okay to be afraid. It's normal. If I weren't ever scared, I don't think I'd be human.
And through that fear comes faith. It's a metamorphosis of sorts. If not for fear, I wouldn't turn to God for help. That act of turning IS faith. © Ellen M. DuBois
Ellen M. DuBois, MA - Ms. DuBois is engaged and has a dog who loves to critique her work. She is published in vol.2 of God Allows U-Turns with her piece, "The Angel in the Dumpster". She writes to touch the hearts of others. Please visit Writings of the Heart, her award winning writer's resource site- http://writingsoftheheart.homestead.com/index.html