"Yes," he replied.

Big deal. I put pillow under his head and he was comfortable. He doesn’t know whether I was a nurse or a stranger. It doesn't matter. He felt better and so did I. I helped, BUT why didn't nurses?

I won't settle for that anymore. I can't save world, but I can do my part.

That's letting air out of my balloon, too.

I've learned that when life gets too heavy, it doesn't mean you're WEAK if you admit it. It took a long time for me to get there. Tears don't equate to weakness. They are God's way of allowing you to cleanse your soul. I always had this crazy idea that if you can't handle things, you're weak. That's bologna.

That's what God is for.

So, let air out of your balloon. Cry if you have to. Help if you feel it's needed but are afraid of doing it. Voice a complaint if you have one. Allow yourself to 'be'. Let yourself know that you need to recharge once in a while and accept fact that it's okay to let injustices you see bother you. More importantly, do something about them if you can. Accept that you get tired and need to nurture yourself, too. If you're running around caring for others, know that it's draining and that there's only so much you can take before your balloon starts to fill too much. Don't punish yourself for needing rest. REST. Let go of guilt. Guilt fills balloons very quickly.

If a balloon has right amount of air in it, it's beautiful, light, floating, colorful and vibrant. Just like you. © Ellen M. DuBois

However, fear lures is ugly head once again and I find myself alone and crying. I am saying, "God, please help me to be strong. Please—help—me."

Another family member, my Dad, is scheduled for an echocardiogram. Wait a minute! My Dad? An echocardiogram? No, this can't be. He's my father! No, he can't have a heart problem. No way. He's guy who plays piano like there's no tomorrow and is my musical hero. He's guy I gigged with for first time at sixteen. He's active. People love him.

God, what's happening?

I am afraid again.

Where'd my faith go? Is it still there? If it is, why am I so full of fear? It's too much at once, God.

I need your help. Please help turn my fear into faith. Please help me to take comfort in You.

God, please help me walk walk and not just talk talk.

And then I realize that it's okay to be afraid. It's normal. If I weren't ever scared, I don't think I'd be human.

And through that fear comes faith. It's a metamorphosis of sorts. If not for fear, I wouldn't turn to God for help. That act of turning IS faith. © Ellen M. DuBois