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“ I guess I’m just inadequate.”
“Jay, how old do you feel when you are being so careful about what you say? How old were you when you started to do this?”
“I guess when I was about 14, when I started being interested in girls. I wanted to make sure that I made a good impression.”
“What made you believe that they wouldn’t like you if you were just you?”
“Well, for one thing my older brother was always putting me down, telling me I was a dork.”
“So you learned to believe that you were not okay for who you really are – that you had to pretend to be other than you are?”
“ Yes, I think that’s correct. I always feel that I have to impress people.”
“Jay, when you then get rejected, aren’t they rejecting your created ego self rather than your real, authentic Self? Isn’t it your wounded 14 year old ego self that is inadequate, rather than your brilliant, creative, funny, successful Self? Aren’t you trying to hide your true Self because you decided, from many early experiences such as that with your brother, that you are inherently inadequate?”
“Yes, I don’t think that who I really am is good enough. So I always have to be careful about what I say.”
“Yet few times in our sessions when you have forgotten to watch what you are saying, you are incredible – funny, insightful, interesting, and totally endearing. Your true Self is completely lovable and worthy. Yet you spend so much energy trying to hide him, squashing him down in your efforts to avoid rejection. If you were to really get to know and appreciate who you really are, you would stop worrying about rejection! You would know that you are just fine, and that if someone rejects you, it’s more about them than it is about you.”
As Jay did inner work to reclaim his beautiful essence, his true Self, his fears of rejection gradually diminished. And, of course, when he was able to be authentic instead of controlled and controlling, everything in his life changed, including his relationships with women. After two years of satisfying dating, Jay found woman of his dreams.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.