There are four types of marital arrangements (only one that is civilly legal in America): polyandry, polygamy, monogamy, and polyamory. Polyandry is a marriage arrangement between a wife and two or more husbands. Polygamy is a marriage arrangement between a husband and two or more wives. Monogamy is a marriage arrangement between one husband and one wife. Polyamory is a marriage arrangement between two or more husbands and/or two or more wives. The Torah makes no distinction on which type of legal marriage arrangement is more preferable than others. Instead, it only encourages that through marriage struggles of relationship be dealt with, and that expression of love be realized. Just as it is realized through marital struggles between G-d and People of Yisrael. "Now you are to love YHWH your G-d with all your heart, with all your being, with all your substance!" (D’varim 6.5). We do this by faithfully fulfilling obligations of this community marriage relationship with G-d. So it must be in our human marriage relationships Torah teaches us.

Monogamy is not threatened by society allowing citizens legal right to choose other types of marriage arrangements, and to be held accountable for these marriages. For those who idealize monogamy as way to go, simple bottom-line fact-of-reality is that there is only one threat to success and survival of monogamous relationships. This real threat comes from within homes of couples that choose a monogamous marriage arrangement, and this threat is not keeping vows made when getting married and not working together to mutually meet each other's needs. The threat of infidelity is not basing marriage on clearly defined obligations to begin with. Banning legal right to form other types of marriage arrangements will not change this. And, it will not prevent people from forming polygamous, polyandrous, and polyamorous relationships - regardless whether they are legally sanctioned by society or not.

The issue in Hebrew Bible is about getting married, not about what marriage form is "right." Its focus is on fulfilling obligations that come with marriage, whether there is love between married partners or not. When maintained in this manner, relationship is in kedusha, a state of holiness. And, this benefits community, by providing a strong family-oriented foundation to build from. How can a marriage relationship – whether it be polyandry, polygamy, monogamy, or polyamory – be less of a struggle and more of a love relationship? The first step is to keep marital obligations made between each other when committing act of marriage. Verbally remember and edify words of this marital agreement often - if possible, on a weekly basis. Sit down together and talk it over.

The next step, which is actually very first step and must always remain more important step throughout marriage is understanding that love is not an object, and thus degree of love one has for another cannot be controlled. But, we do have power within us to control how we will relate to to each other in our relationships. And, we have power to decide whether we will be fidelitous or not. In other words, by defining together obligations of marriage, by living by them throughout marriage (being conscious of these obligations on a daily basis) and, through this marriage relationship, by elevating emotional, sexual, and spiritual needs of our partners-in-marriage. Complete honesty between each other, recognition of need for individual self-responsibility, and partner encouragement (not coercion) is a must. Fulfill this and this marriage, whatever its type, is a marriage maintained in kedusha/holiness, according to teachings of Hebrew Bible.

Footnote: Just for historical authenticity to statements made in these * asterisked paragraphs above, Damascus Document of Intertestimal period is a product of a specific extremist community sect of Judaism, and is not reflective of Jewish lifestyle in that time period as a whole. In fact majority of Jewish communities would continue to engage in polygamist marriage relationships well into Common Era, and even within Ashkenazic communities this was so. Monogamy was accepted and justified as ideal by modern Jews only because of Christian presence around these Jewish communities, meaning Jews conformed to practices of their neighbors to avoid persecution over this issue. It is through extremist Jewish document of Yachad sect that defines monogamous marriages and monogamous approach to marriages within Greco-Roman world of time that Christianity would come to idealize monogamy as ideal marriage relationship style. Even Irish, who were first culture to embrace Christianity outside of Greco-Roman world, continued to engage in rather promiscious relationship styles - styles that included group sexual relationships and marriages. It would not be until arrival of "White" people into Europe and their subsequent embracement of Christianity that monogamy would be institutionalized as only correct form of marriage. Some estimates have it that monogamy finally took root about a good thousand years after Damascus Document had been written. And, still today, not all societies are convinced that it really is most moral form of forming relationships.

Staying close is important for all couples—even those separated only as far as next room in house. Military requirements are not necessarily easier simply because you share same living space. Long hours and demanding occupational specialties coupled with family responsibilities, can leave even closest couples with little time to connect. Having that connection however, is glue that sticks families together through trials of military life. Yet, surviving trials is only first step towards a successful military marriage. Couples must also learn to make something positive of challenges and come to understand that each challenge is just another opportunity in disguise for growth, both as individuals and as a couple.

Emily Travis chose to go back to school in her husband’s absence—something she feels she would not have chosen to do otherwise. “Todd is having a multitude of new experiences and I know he’ll be different because of them when he comes home,” she relates. “That makes me want to have new experiences and better myself too. I think it’s important not to stagnate myself and stop growing, just because I’m waiting to be reunited with my husband.”

Deployments, separations, and even most successful career in military will eventually end, but marriage is meant to last a lifetime. It is a lesson Wallace’s learned early. “Did we have problems? Absolutely. Were there times I wanted to say it’s Marine Corps or me? Yes. And were there times we were so thick in middle of our difficulties we couldn’t see a way out? Most definitely. But those were times we dug in our heels and just held on. Everything changes. It was just a matter of holding on until better days came, and when they did, we were amazed at how much closer we were for having endured together, and how much our marriage had been strengthened by our faith to stay.”

A party was recently given in honor of John and Melissa by co-workers and friends from Camp Pendleton. John gave a speech about his time in Corps and what it meant to have Melissa by his side whole way. He spoke of his years of service, happiness they had shared and tears they had shed. He talked of achievements and honors he had gained in Corps. Yet, to sum up, he had only one thing to say. “I am Marine,” relates John, “but Melissa gives me heart.”