"Divorce and Children: Things To Consider When You're Staying Married Only For Your Children"Written by Karl Augustine
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Children and divorce consideration 2: Make sure 'guilt' isn't real reason that you aren't getting a divorce. The 'guilt' referenced above is guilt brought on by thinking that your divorce will hurt your children. In and of itself, this feeling of guilt is a selfish one if you haven't really examined carefully if a divorce will have an adverse effect on your children. If you aren't getting divorced because of guilt in this regard, but you still have an unhappy marriage that is affecting your children, then you aren't really staying married for them, you're staying married for you because you feel guilty...this is selfish. Children and divorce consideration 3: Once you've clearly defined that you are in fact, not getting a divorce solely because you have children, examine why you think divorce will adversely affect your children. Remember, divorce can have a negative effect on children initially, but that doesn't necessarily mean that a divorce will be a negative influence on your children forever. Decide whether or not your children have resiliency, intelligence, emotional health, and support they'd need to mitigate adverse effects that a divorce would have on them. Will they be happy after initial shock of divorce is worked through? Children and divorce consideration 4: Once you've really defined what you believe to be negative effects on your children due to divorce, think about what your children's life will be like in immediate and distant future if you do actually go through with divorce. Ask yourself, "Can I create and maintain a healthy environment for my children if I do get a divorce?" One thing that is a critical factor in this decision is feasibility of you and your spouse getting a divorce amicably. If you and your spouse can go through a divorce amicably, and you both can agree to always put your children's welfare above your own, you will be one step ahead. Again, make sure you are certain a divorce is necessary to create right type of environment for your children. Assure that there is absolutely no way you can rekindle your marriage. Usually, divorce represents first real trauma of a child's life. Keep this in mind when your making your divorce decision. Divorce is a serious step and nothing should be done until your're certain that divorce is best course of action. Getting a divorce without making sure that divorce is right thing is selfish on your part and is wrong thing to do to your children...after all, they deserve your best effort! One thing should remain constant...that you and your spouse will always be there for your children, no matter what.
Author of "A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce", the eBook recommended by counselors to thier clients. Proven "Actions Items" to help you decide! Deciding on Divorce Children and Divorce
| | You Want to be a Stay-At-Home ParentWritten by Roger Sorensen
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The surprising thing to Sandy was cost of little things. Morning coffee, afternoon soda pop, a quick spin through a fast food joint to bring home supper, these and a dozen more ways to spend a dollar here and a dollar there added up. When this typical middle class family deducted all costs of having both spouses working, they were shocked to discover that Sandy was contributing only a third of her $14 an hour pre-tax earnings to family. This amounted to only $4.5 an hour, or barely $36 a day to family Spendable income. That amount calculates into $180 a week and $9000 a year. Each family unit is different and you may decide that money is worth effort of leaving home to work everyday. There is no right and wrong answer as we traditionally think of right and wrong. Instead, I prefer to think of it as being a best and O.K. answer. When thinking about adding $9000 a year to your family income, you must also consider intangible costs for earning that money. Intangibles are things that will cost you something, but are not measurable in terms of money. Working parents miss most of child’s firsts – first word, first step, first dirty diaper, first funny face, first four years. These things do not provide money, but they do give you sweet and kind memories to take with you through troublesome teen years. Being away from your child 40 – 50 hours a week and missing this kind of stuff is considered emotional cost of being a working parent. When a child is at home with her mother or father, they will be learning about life from someone who loves them more than any outsider. Children are great imitators, and who can be a better role model than a parent? Considering her career as a Customer Service Manager, Sandy knew she was topped out in both earnings and responsibility. Based on that, and her family’s finances, she decided to stay home when baby was born. She and her husband worked up a Spending Plan and figured out areas where Sandy could decrease costs, like making home made meals and taking time to find best prices for things. So assuming that you, as a parent who would like to stay home with your child, what steps should you take? 1. Take some serious time to talk with each other about this decision. Reducing your standard of living to fit within a single income can be difficult, and if both of you are not together on this, it will fail and stress on your family could be catastrophic. 2. Plan what two of you would like future to be like. Write down your ideas, you know, live on one income, save for future, pay off debt, enjoy being able to nurture your child at home during early years, find a part-time job after your child goes to school. Write these plans on paper and hang them on your refrigerator door. Why fridge? It is only place in your house you are guaranteed to see them more than once a day. 3. If you have a time period of 2 – 4 months time before you will be ready to stop working, create a Spending Plan right away. This will allow you time to adjust to living on one income and make necessary adjustments to your spending levels such as cutting back on entertainment, or reducing monthly payments for little used services, etc. 4. The parent who will be staying home should prepare themselves for change if they have been working. Start making contact with other stay-at-home parents, talk with your friends about your decision so they will not be giving your grief after change occurs. 5. Keep clear communications open with your spouse, to make sure two of you are in agreement. Making decision to leave work force and stay home with your child can be daunting. If you prepare for it like you would for any other lifestyle change, this decision can work out well for everyone in your family.
Roger Sorensen is a Financial Author and Speaker, and the editor of Money Basics, a monthly personal finance newsletter found online at www.brighterfutures.com. After filling in his own debt pit equal to 150% of his annual income, Roger has turned the experiance into Brighter Futures, a Financial Literacy company. "There is hope for you, no matter how large your debt load might be."
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