Distinction: Adjusting vs. Adapting

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach & Consultant

Continued from page 1

ADAPTATION REQUIRED: Tina's husband divorced her. He took most ofrepparttar couple's assets and left her with allrepparttar 126133 debts, so she was forced to file bankruptcy. Because ofrepparttar 126134 social set they moved in, she lost many friends. Atrepparttar 126135 same time her last child left for college, she got downsized, her mother died, and she developed breast cancer.

ADJUSTING: You know you can do it. You just may not want to.

ADAPTING: You have a sense you don't have what it takes to cope with it.

Key Point

Understandingrepparttar 126136 changes that adaptation will require helps you throughrepparttar 126137 transition, which is often more like a metamorphosis. It can feel like having to grow wings! When you face a situation requiring ADJUSTING, you think, "Things have changed." When you face a situation requiring ADAPTING, you think, "I will never berepparttar 126138 same again."


Much more of you is required in an adaptation. Major life changes will require you to leave major things behind, and learn new ways, sometimes new ways of "being". It can be as challenging as learning to breathe air instead of water. An adaptation requires strong emotional intelligence skills, which can be learned.

Related distinctions

Your new in-laws speak with a heavy Southern drawl vs. Your new in-laws speak only Russian

You have a new baby boy vs. your wife gives birth to quintuplets You break your ankle in a car accident vs. You lose both your legs in a car accident

©Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach & Consultant, and author of “Midlife Dating Manual for Women,” http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching individuals through transitions. I offer coaching, internet courses, teleclasses and ebooks around emotional intelligence. It train and certify EQ coaches. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for info on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. For free EQ ezine, email me and put “ezine” for subject line.

The Legacy of Sexual Abuse

Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Continued from page 1

* I’ve been damaged beyond repair. I can never heal and be whole.

* I’m a bad person. I cause people to abuse me because of my badness.

* All I’m good for is sex.

* The only way to be safe is to be invisible.

These false beliefs can cause untold heartache forrepparttar survivor of sexual abuse.


Sexual abuse not only causes physical and emotional harm, it is also causes spiritual harm. It is a form of spiritual abuse. Spiritual abuse is any abuse that contributes to a disconnection from a spiritual Source of love and comfort.

When a child is being abused by a trusted person, a person who is supposed to protectrepparttar 126132 child such as a parent, relative, teacher, religious leader, doctor, or friend,repparttar 126133 child learns that adults can’t be trusted. The deepest harm occurs whenrepparttar 126134 abuser is a parent. Most children learn to project onto God their experience of their parents. If their parents are judgmental, then they believe that God is judgmental. If their parents are too busy for them, then they believe that God is too busy for them. If their parents do not protect them or harm them, they might conclude that God does not exist. “If God existed, then why didn’t God stop my father from raping me?”

Some children leave their bodies when being severely abused. Invariably, with therapeutic help, they can remember that they were lovingly held by a spiritual teacher and told thatrepparttar 126135 abuse was not their fault. Much healing occurs with these memories. They can remember knowing that they were being helped by God, even though, due torepparttar 126136 law of free will, God could not stoprepparttar 126137 abuser from abusing them.

Reconnecting onrepparttar 126138 spiritual level isrepparttar 126139 key to healing onrepparttar 126140 physical and emotional levels. Through connection with Spirit, abuse survivors learn that they are not irrevocably damaged, that they are not inherently bad and did not cause themselves to be abused, that they can share much more than sex - they can share their love and compassion, and that they can create their own safety rather than be invisible as a way to be safe. Their false beliefs are healed throughrepparttar 126141 truth that comes from their spiritual connection.

Learning to be a loving and compassionate adult with oneself isrepparttar 126142 major challenge for an abuse survivor. Deep healing occurs when survivors learn to see and valuerepparttar 126143 beauty of their own soul, and learn to treat themselves with respect, caring and compassion. Inner safety and deep self worth arerepparttar 126144 results of learning to treat oneself with love.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of a powerful self-help, 6-step emotional and spiritual healing process called Inner Bonding. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com

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