ADAPTATION REQUIRED: Tina's husband divorced her. He took most of couple's assets and left her with all debts, so she was forced to file bankruptcy. Because of social set they moved in, she lost many friends. At same time her last child left for college, she got downsized, her mother died, and she developed breast cancer.

ADJUSTING: You know you can do it. You just may not want to.

ADAPTING: You have a sense you don't have what it takes to cope with it.

Key Point

Understanding changes that adaptation will require helps you through transition, which is often more like a metamorphosis. It can feel like having to grow wings! When you face a situation requiring ADJUSTING, you think, "Things have changed." When you face a situation requiring ADAPTING, you think, "I will never be same again."

Benefits

Much more of you is required in an adaptation. Major life changes will require you to leave major things behind, and learn new ways, sometimes new ways of "being". It can be as challenging as learning to breathe air instead of water. An adaptation requires strong emotional intelligence skills, which can be learned.

Related distinctions

Your new in-laws speak with a heavy Southern drawl vs. Your new in-laws speak only Russian

You have a new baby boy vs. your wife gives birth to quintuplets You break your ankle in a car accident vs. You lose both your legs in a car accident

* I’ve been damaged beyond repair. I can never heal and be whole.

* I’m a bad person. I cause people to abuse me because of my badness.

* All I’m good for is sex.

* The only way to be safe is to be invisible.

These false beliefs can cause untold heartache for survivor of sexual abuse.

THE SPIRITUAL LEVEL

Sexual abuse not only causes physical and emotional harm, it is also causes spiritual harm. It is a form of spiritual abuse. Spiritual abuse is any abuse that contributes to a disconnection from a spiritual Source of love and comfort.

When a child is being abused by a trusted person, a person who is supposed to protect child such as a parent, relative, teacher, religious leader, doctor, or friend, child learns that adults can’t be trusted. The deepest harm occurs when abuser is a parent. Most children learn to project onto God their experience of their parents. If their parents are judgmental, then they believe that God is judgmental. If their parents are too busy for them, then they believe that God is too busy for them. If their parents do not protect them or harm them, they might conclude that God does not exist. “If God existed, then why didn’t God stop my father from raping me?”

Some children leave their bodies when being severely abused. Invariably, with therapeutic help, they can remember that they were lovingly held by a spiritual teacher and told that abuse was not their fault. Much healing occurs with these memories. They can remember knowing that they were being helped by God, even though, due to law of free will, God could not stop abuser from abusing them.

Reconnecting on spiritual level is key to healing on physical and emotional levels. Through connection with Spirit, abuse survivors learn that they are not irrevocably damaged, that they are not inherently bad and did not cause themselves to be abused, that they can share much more than sex - they can share their love and compassion, and that they can create their own safety rather than be invisible as a way to be safe. Their false beliefs are healed through truth that comes from their spiritual connection.

Learning to be a loving and compassionate adult with oneself is major challenge for an abuse survivor. Deep healing occurs when survivors learn to see and value beauty of their own soul, and learn to treat themselves with respect, caring and compassion. Inner safety and deep self worth are results of learning to treat oneself with love.