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"You drink milk, don't you?"
Yeah, but that's because it's liquid. Suddenly I recalled my dream from just last week. Cow after cow heading into a factory on a conveyor belt. At first I though it was Annual Bovine Family Reunion, but on other side of factory, riding same conveyor belt, were neatly sealed cartons of milk. Aaargh!
"Squeezed. Like an orange. You drink juice, don't you?"
Yeah...but squeezing a cow?
"Just what do you know about liquid?"
I thought real hard. Everything comes in one of three states: gas, liquid and solid. Gas is like politicians when they are talking. Liquid is like politicians when they are hard at work attending cocktail receptions. Solid is like statues of politicians.
Everything comes in either gas, liquid or solid. That is about all I could remember of my high school chemistry. That, and how to explode a partially dissected frog. No, wait. That wasn't chemistry class. Silly me. Why would we have a partially dissected frog in chemistry class. That was that other class. What was it called, again? Oh yes, "home economics".
"Did frog contain vitamins?"
Not any more.
"Do you think it's easier to pack vitamins into a tiny, hard pill or into a drink?"
I suppose it all depends on what kind of explosive you use. I tried to imagine squeezing a fish into a carton. But fish walking up a conveyor belt seemed just a bit radical ... and even less tasty than freshly squeezed cow. Besides, I might need to buy fishing gear to get my milk...er...fish juice from carton.
"Liquid vitamins are made only from plant ingredients."
That's it. Keep your cow. Keep your fish. Keep your frog...what's left of it. I'm going to for a pure liquid life.
My only question now is: Which one is soap, and which one is hand cream? And which one is my liquid vitamins? I don't want to drink soap by mistake.
Read more humor articles by David Leonhardt. Get your very own liquid vitamin supplements here or read about liquid vitamins and minerals here.