As you make your list, notice following:

- How do you FEEL? Do you feel excited about certain desires? Guilty about others?

- What physical sensations do you feel? Does it feel like someone is tightening a noose around neck? Or do you feel like getting up to dance?

- As you write down each item, what words pop into your head? For example, do you hear gems such as "Oh, that's most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!" or "You can't have that! Who do you think you are? The Queen of Sheba?"

Now prioritize your list by picking your top ten desires. As you look top ten over, ask yourself again how you feel? What voices do you hear in your head? What beliefs pop into your mind? Where do you notice your social conditioning showing up? How does your body feel? Do your top ten desires have a common theme? What did you just become aware of?

At end of day, what we want is usually pretty simple and clear. It's our feelings and judgment that get in way. The social conditioning that tells us that we must live a certain way, act a certain way and feel a certain way stops us from acknowledging truthfully that which we want deeply - our deep tissue desires.

How often do you give yourself what you want? How often do you neglect this part of yourself - very call of your soul?

A few years later I ran up against another life lesson about forgiveness. This time it was with a co-worker who on outside seemed “lovey-dovey” but who was actually cunning, manipulative, and destructive. Unfortunately because of my position, I was in close contact with this person almost every day. I did my best to remember that she was hurting and that stuff she did really didn’t have to do with me, and generally just tried to stay above fray. After a year she left job, and I was elated because I felt I had “passed that test” without getting un-Christian about things she had done to me.

Over next several years, I went through other steps—forgiving her, forgiving myself. However, I still didn’t feel totally whole about situation. Then one day I was thinking about it, and I thought, “You know, I’ve never prayed to be at peace with what happened.” Immediately I started praying, “Lord, please help me to be at peace with this situation and with _______.” Eventually I did feel peace.

Shortly thereafter Lord placed a book in my hands that illuminated final step of forgiveness. I had forgiven her, I had forgiven myself, I was at peace with situation… But God doesn’t require that we simply “tolerate” people—He says that we should LOVE them. Boy, now that was a hard concept with this person. He wanted me to love her? Odious, would be word that comes to mind as God and I had that conversation. Nonetheless, I knew He was right.

It was then that I applied final step. I prayed, “Lord, please help me to love __________.” The first few times I just about choked on words, but more I said them, more feelings of hurt in my heart changed. Slowly something else began to take over. Then I began to really feel love toward this person and to pray for her in a way that I hadn’t before. However, I still wondered if it was real or if it was just act of my imagination that wanted so much to please God that I wanted it to be real.

Well, as always happens when you ask God a question, He sends an answer. My husband came home one evening, and he had been out on a job replacing some doors. This person came out and started screaming at him about if old keys would still fit and how were they going to lock building that night and how neighborhood thieves would probably make away with anything of value if they didn’t get it locked up properly. In short my husband was taken aback and shocked at this exchange. By time he got home, he was just plain mad. However, until that point he hadn’t told me who it actually was.

Then he said, “When she left, she said, ‘Tell Staci and kids I said hello.’” Until she said that, he hadn’t even realized who it was. As soon as he said that, I knew, and my suspicions were immediately confirmed when he told me who it was. The strange thing was—in my heart moment he said her name, there was nothing other than peace. Even as he continued to rant and rave about all stuff she had said, there was nothing but peace. Finally I said, “You know, it would sure be horrible to have to live life like that. Think about how many people want nothing to do with her and who are excited when she leaves room. I feel sorry for her. She really needs a lot of prayer.”

It wasn’t an act. It was honestly how I felt. And that, I think, is real forgiveness. And that, I guarantee you, is power of five steps.

Be willing to forgive

Forgive other person.

Forgive yourself.

Ask for peace.

Ask for love.

It will set you free in ways that you cannot even begin to fathom.