Dealing with Difficult People: the Alpha Male

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach

Continued from page 1

5. Right and wrong.

There’s likely to be a lot of discussion about who was “right” and who was “wrong.” If you made a mistake, say so up front. (Often it's good to put as much in writing as you can about what you did, when, in case it comes up later and is subject to his "selective memory.") If you did something because of lack of knowledge say, “I didn’t know that atrepparttar time.” Don’t apologize.

6. Eliminaterepparttar 126130 ordinary "fluff".

Be analytical, logical and direct. Since they are relatively insensitive, direct comments you might make to someone else, will bounce right off their tough hide. Their ends justify any “means,” including disregard for others. They don’t respond well to “I’m sorry,” or “How are you feeling today?” They just don’t like it, that’s why.

7. If you’re sensitive, you may need to find somewhere else to be. Period.

Torepparttar 126131 average alpha male, you’re “a breathing body” and that’s about it. He may not even bother to learn your name as he barks orders.

8. Stay neutral and don't admit to a weakness.

While it works with most people to say, “I’m learning this job and have a ways to go,” to an alpha male, this is like waving a red flag to a bull. Stick with details, “Yes, I see. It won’t happen again.” (Or say “Yes I hear you” or whatever your listening to his vocabulary has taught you.)

9. Avoid appearing (or being) submissive.

If you do, you'll lose his respect. Don’t be intimidated by his anger. The basic reason is probably because it makes him feel good, so there’s not a thing you can do about it. More than any other type, don’t try to change him. It won’t work. (If you do try, get something like a 360 - evidence from everyone else is all he'll believe.)

10. Don't waste his time.

Which is most ofrepparttar 126132 normal niceties and social amenities.

©Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach, . Coaching, business programs, Internet classes, teleclasses and ebooks around Emotional Intelligence. I train and certify EQ coaches. for information on this fast, affordable, flexible, no-residency program. For FREE ezine, email me and put “ezine” for subject line. CHECK OUT THE BEST EBOOK LIBRARY ON THE INTERNET: .

A Zen Look at Dating & Religious Beliefs

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach

Continued from page 1

Can you completely relax with this person? If so, there is deep trust,repparttar foundation of lasting relationships.

Has your health deteriorated since dating them? If so, and there’s no obvious physical cause, move on. Tricky because dating raises stress levels, which affect our immune system, which IS our health. Give it time. There’s EUstress and there’s DIStress. Knowrepparttar 126129 difference. Work with a certified EQ coach.

6. ZEN: “We do not want churches because they will teach us to quarrel about God.” Chief Joseph EQ COMPETENCY: Constructive discontent.

When there are disagreements, figure out what you’re really arguing about. If it’s just semantics, it’s just semantics.

It was in vogue, for instance, inrepparttar 126130 Renaissance to debate how many angels would fit onrepparttar 126131 head of a pin. This is hardly likely to play itself out in howrepparttar 126132 person lives their life. It’s an intellectual exercise.

7. ZEN: “A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makesrepparttar 126133 hand bleed that uses it.” Rabindranath Tagore EQ COMPETENCY: Integrated self. The interface between intellect and emotions.

Someone who engages in intellectual repartee about matters ofrepparttar 126134 heart hasn’t got it together, and you don’t need to get-together with them. Wouldn’t you rather be loved than understood, if it came to that (and it will)?

8. ZEN: “Beware, as they say, of mistakingrepparttar 126135 finger forrepparttar 126136 moon when you’re pointing at it.” John Cage EQ COMPETENCY: Intentionality.

Daterepparttar 126137 person long enough to determine that when they talk about their religious beliefs, they have intention to follow them. In other words, they’re not just repeating something they memorized, or just saying what they think you want to hear. Someone deeply in that delicious falling-in-love stage will do this. Haven’t you? That’s why we take our time. 9. ZEN: “The first sign of your becoming religious is that you are becoming cheerful.” Swami Vivekananda EQ COMPETENCY: Positive attitude, optimism.

IF you believe this isrepparttar 126138 test of “being religious,” then Swami Vivekananda isrepparttar 126139 man for you. If you prefer a person with a positive attitude, as I do, and it comes with religious belief, better yet. (Studies show marriages are happiest whenrepparttar 126140 number of positive comments about self, other and relationship is 3xrepparttar 126141 number of negative comments.) 10. ZEN: “When a dog runs at you, whistle for him.” Henry David Thoreau EQ COMPETENCY: Common sense! When it feels right and good, go for it!

Ultimately it’s difficult to live with someone who doesn’t have your same values and priorities. SHAWNA discovered this when dating a man outside her faith. He loved her and was willing to convert, attending classes and services with her. She was troubled that even so, he didn’t “believe” what she did. Growing up with a certain faith engrains it at a level that can rarely be approached when it’s learned later in life. There’s a huge time factor in there. This may or may not be unsurmountable. In SHAWNA’s case it was. She couldn’t feel he had, or ever would have,repparttar 126142 same beliefs as she did.

TOMAS, onrepparttar 126143 other hand, fell in love with someone outside his faith, from another culture, and more than 10 years younger. “Still,” he said, “we’re two peas in a pod. I could care less if she goes to a synagogue and I don’t.”

SAMIA married someone she met at her mosque, but problems began to spring up immediately. “I assumed too much, she said. “I thought we feltrepparttar 126144 same way about things, but it didn’t live outrepparttar 126145 way I thought it would. I wish I’d given it more time. It’s hard to think when you’re that much in love.” SAMIA found it was a difference that wouldn’t work and they separated. In their case, their religious beliefs, in words, were a match, but they weren’t lived out in ways that were compatible.

P.S. If you come from different faith backgrounds and plan to have children, work this one out ahead of time. It can be a bigee whenrepparttar 126146 time comes.

©Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach, . Coaching, internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for midlife, transitions, personal development, relationships and career. Susan is the author of “Midlife Dating Manual.” For FREE EQ ezine, and put “ezine” for subject.

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