However, more we fight it, greater hold it will have on us, and we compound stress. It takes energy to stuff it down and that takes its toll. Besides it doesn’t work.

The first step is to recognize and accept it. “Nothing’s either good or bad, but thinking makes it so,” said poet, and this applies to all our feelings, including anger. They are. They happen. They’re there for a reason, which should be noted.

Judging our emotions only compounds stress. Even in Bible it says, “Be angry, and yet do not sin. Do not let sun go down on your anger.” [Ephesians 4:26] The New Living Translation phrases it, “Don’t sin by letting anger gain control over you.”

It gains control over us when we do one of two things – either ignoring it, or reacting to it in knee-jerk fashion, and doing something harmful.

What’s alternative? Sit with anger. Experience it. Acknowledge it. Then move yourself to higher center of brain, neocortex, and figure out what to do about it, if anything. Respond, don’t react. Put a pause in between feeling and action. Be willing to do nothing, while feeling it at same time. But don’t ignore it.

Better Anthony’s wife had told him each time she was angry and asked for changes rather than just throwing keys on table one day and walking out. Then it was too late. There was too much water under bridge, too much resentment, too much to deal with.

When we stuff it down, it’s likely to come out in “kick dog syndrome” as well. Some unsuspecting person will be brunt of our resentment toward someone else, or we’ll get drunk, or crash car, or trash our life in some way. Anger is energy.

LET IT PASS

One way to deal with anger is to learn to forgive. This is a long learning process for most of us, but, of course, we have plenty of opportunity to practice it. Unjustices occur all time, and we have all been wronged. Learning to let go of this anger is part of Emotional Intelligence.

One reason this is a good policy is because many of most grievous injustices can’t be undone. An apology wouldn’t be enough.

Therefore, we forgive, and we do so for our own benefit, not benefit of perpetrator. The anger will eat us up, while having little effect on object of our anger, which means we are twice victims, and more fool.

USE IT (POSITIVELY)

Channel energy. When your boss makes you angry, go chop wood when you get home. Use anger over your divorce to flame through graduate school. Get angry at opposing team and win football game. Write poetry when your mother dies. Master Rachmaninoff’s 3rd Concerto when your wife runs off with another man.

NAME IT, CLAIM IT, AIM IT, TAME IT

This is another method for dealing with anger. Name feeling and claim it. It’s your anger.

Intellectually speaking, someone could have said same thing to someone else, and it would’ve had little or no effect. YOU are in equation! “Aim it” means know where it’s coming from. Don’t slap your child because your partner infuriated you. “Tame it” means learning to self-soothe.

Developing your emotional intelligence can help eventually to modulate your feelings. (So can therapy.) You experience them less strongly after time, if you work at dealing with them as they come up.

DON’T REPRESS IT, DON’T EXPRESS IT, CONFESS IT

This is Paul Pearsall’s formula. He has a Ph.D. in psychoneuroimmunology and is author of “The Pleasure Principle.” His work on anger is compelling, as he has studied effect it has on our immunology system, which is our health.

Repressing anger makes us sick, and so does expressing it. There’s a plethora of research showing that just recalling an angering event causes same reaction as if it were happening again in real time. Why do this to yourself over and over again? Wasn’t once enough? Skip war stories, and skip bypass, yes?

“Confess it,” says Pearsall, meaning roughly that you acknowledge you have it, and that maybe you aren’t “yourself,” or thinking straight. You take a break. Breathe deeply. Count to ten. Think it over. Move on.

YOU MANAGE IT, OR IT MANAGES YOU

Learning to manage anger is part of emotional intelligence. We are never far from two-year-old throwing a tantrum. “We never grow up,” someone said, “We just learn how to behave in public.” The difference is self-awareness and tools – understanding emotion, being able to stop, self-soothe and think it through, and not letting it get better of us.

Exercise #2 - Close your eyes momentarily and for period of approximately 1 minute I want you to do try and achieve following.

I want you to think of a red rose for 1 minute. Do it now.

This task was relatively easy huh? Now to point of exercise..

The focusing of red rose was relatively easy enough, second exercise also holds key to first exercise of NOT focusing on black dog. The most effective way to NOT think of something is to think of something else.

Most importantly, we need to be aware that not thinking of something actually focuses goal oriented part of mind on that very thing, just as effectively as if you had chosen to think of it directly.

One can observe principle of this exercise at work very effectively when parents walk their children home from school, they tell their children NOT to jump in puddles right? But almost as if you could set a clock by it, your kids are back doing exactly what you told them NOT to do, yep they are jumping in puddles.

By parent saying to their children, don't jump in puddles, this draws kids attention directly to puddles and in they go. Then parents have cheek to get upset at children after they have quite effectively, if somewhat unconsciously directed them straight into puddles.

So how do you keep your children from jumping in puddles you ask?

Think about it for a moment. The mind is a goal orientated decision making tool, you want mind to focus away from puddles, where do you want mind to go? On dry ground of course, so effective thing to say is "keep on dry ground", this focuses mind of child on dry ground and not on puddles.

Have you ever seen a child carrying a full bowl of soup? What is natural reaction?

You shout "don't spill bowl of soup" right? But by doing so, what has child's mind registered?

Yes, you are telling him to spill soup by focusing his mind on spilling it, then there is insult added to injury when you say "you clumsy kid, why didn't you do what I told you"? So not only does child feel guilty for making a mess, he or she then gets a negative affirmation as well.

So how do you get child to NOT spill soup? Think what do I want child's mind to do and answer is "keep soup bowl level".

Focus mind towards required task, invariably this will focus their mind away from negative result that you instilled in their mind.

This is a very powerful psychological concept that can be effectively implemented into your internet marketing campaigns. If you want your customers to do something, maybe telling them not to do it may be more effective in certain situations, definitely "food for taught". This approach would also help to instil one of most powerful action emotions also, curiosity :)

Two very different sides to same coin, sit and ponder on this theory for a while, think of many possibilities and how you could make it work for you and your internet marketing campaigns.