Deadly Relationship Habits

Written by Kim Olver

Continued from page 1

Compare that to, you ask your partner to attendrepparttar party. He or she agrees. You go and have a wonderful time, spontaneously enjoying some quality intimacy upon your return home. Do those circumstances feel different to you? I bet they would to your partner.

No one likes to be controlled no matter how subtly or skillfullyrepparttar 135852 controlling is administered. External control is one thing human beings are almost guaranteed to rebel against.

The bottom line is that we often engage in destructive relationship patterns with those people we claim to loverepparttar 135853 most. We typically donít use these destructive behaviors with our friends. If we were to try, we soon wouldnít have any friends left!

When we think about our progress overrepparttar 135854 past 100 years in terms of technology and relationships, it is very clear that we have made great strides inrepparttar 135855 technological field and very minimal gains, if any, in our relationships with each other. Can you think of things we have available to us today that didnít exist 100 years ago? Today we have cell phones, computers, satellite, televisions, DVDs, CDs, space travel, etc. The list is virtually endless.

One ofrepparttar 135856 reasons we have made such huge gains inrepparttar 135857 technological field is because those who are working at making those advances are willing to try a new approach when their approach is no longer working. They adjust their behavior to fitrepparttar 135858 situation. This is simply common sense.

However, inrepparttar 135859 area of interpersonal relationships, would you say that people get along better today than they did a century ago? Do husbands get along better with their wives? Do parents get along better with their children? Do teachers get along better with their students? Do neighbors get along better today? Most would admit that there has been little, if any, improvement.

The reason for this lack of progress inrepparttar 135860 relationship department is that when our external control behaviors donít work to get usrepparttar 135861 results we want, we take those same behaviors torepparttar 135862 next level. We are convinced that they will work if only we do it more often, harder or faster. In other words, we get a bigger stick!

The reason this mentality has survivedrepparttar 135863 ages is because we can usually crank uprepparttar 135864 pressure or findrepparttar 135865 one punishment or threat that will work to get us what we want. Did you hear me say external control doesnít work? Of course it works! Thatís why we use it. The question remains: At what cost?

When we consistently use external control behaviors in our relationships with those we love, what does it cost? It costs usrepparttar 135866 relationship. Iím not sayingrepparttar 135867 relationship will necessarily end, although that is a definite possibility. What I am saying is that we keep whittling away atrepparttar 135868 foundation of our relationship and then wonder why there has been no relationship progress overrepparttar 135869 past 100 years or even longer.

There are alternatives. There are ways to simultaneously honor ourselves and our partners. The first step is to recognize when we are using external control behavior. We will probably be able to recognize it long before you feel able to do anything about it. This is acceptable. Of course,repparttar 135870 best case scenario is that from this moment forward, every time you consider externally controlling your partner, you stop yourself and use a caring habit instead. However, if that is not what happens in your case, donít despair. Recognizing external control isrepparttar 135871 first step---bringing it into your conscious awareness. Once itís there, then you can make a decision about what you are going to do about it.

To learn about excluding external control from your life and implementingrepparttar 135872 caring habits in your relationships, visit and check our calendar for upcoming teleclasses, chats and workshops.

Kim Olver is a licensed professional counselor and a life/relationship coach. She helps people unleash their personal power by living from the inside out, focusing their time and energy on only those things they can control. She also helps people improve the quality of their relationships with the important people in their lives.

Facing Reality

Written by Judi Singleton

Continued from page 1

Find a way to fill your life with happiness, joy, and success feelings. You can pull them from anywhere. Remember a time that you felt joyful, successful, happy. Remember thatrepparttar mind does not knowrepparttar 135750 difference between this present moment andrepparttar 135751 past. So you can pull these positive feelings from anywhere. We have all had these feeling at some time even if we do not have them right now. You can have them right now by just imagining that you do.

Refuse to take delivery on negative thoughts. Pretendrepparttar 135752 thought is being delivered by UPS just refuse delivery. Pretend that you are talking torepparttar 135753 UPS guy only talk to yourself. I refuse delivery on this thought. I did not order it and do not want it. smile.

When making any plan just visualize it as it had already happened. I started a weight loss plan and I see myself 40 pounds lighter everyday and so does everyone else. People are telling me how thin I have gotten and I have only been on my plan for two weeks. lol you even effect how others see you.

Read inspiring articles, books, listen to inspiration tapes at least a half an hour each day. What we fill our mind with grows.

Watch movies that are happy, rent a comedy, laughter is healing. Fill your visual mind with happy thoughts.

Turn offrepparttar 135754 news. Stay informed and pray for our world leaders but stay detached.

Associate with other people who think positively. Thisrepparttar 135755 most important one of all. Find positive people and stick withrepparttar 135756 winners.

Think always that Higher Power is bringing forth you Highest good in each situation. Know what if you have strong faith in this last one it happens.

Be grateful for all you already have, write a grateful list, tell your friends and family you love them and how grateful you are for them.

If you follow these suggestions for 30 days and they don't work I will refund you your challenges.

Judi Singleton publishes ten blogs a week if you would like to visit her blog To The Universe, a blog about creating the life you want and being responsible for it. Visit here:

    <Back to Page 1 © 2005
Terms of Use