You’re going out to add something to your life – a partner. Think of it in terms of choosing a pet. You can head out to buy a Chocolate Lab, or you can head out to buy a female Chocolate lab with a gentle disposition who’s good with kids, or you can head out to by any dog with a gentle disposition who’s good with kids, or a dog under 50 lbs. with a gentle disposition who’s good with kids, or a dog that’s got a gentle disposition, weighs less than 50 lbs., is good with kids and is anything except a cocker spaniel. On other hand, you could go to pet store and look for a dog that appeals to you!

What’s best way to proceed? I think it depends upon your experience and EQ, and if you’re rather new in either area, I’d suggest some coaching. There’s a lot fo learn, and more you learn, more you can make wise choices. In just about anything in life, first you have to learn rules. Then you learn how to break them.

Back to dog analogy. After owning dogs for more years than some of my readers have been alive, I’d go somewhere with likely candidates and then choose a dog that appeals to me. That’s because I’ve had a lot of experience with dogs, and I have good intuition, an EQ competency.

Intuition is leading from heart and suspending intellect. Of course I would set forth with certain intellectual parameters in mind. I don’t want a dog that’s known to bite any more than I’d want a date who’s known to bite!

Good intuition allows you to suspend intellect, which is important in matters of heart. For instance, I know now that an English Spring Spaniel can make a wonderful animal companion, and so can a Basset, a Heinz 57 and a Siberian Husky. By same token, I know I can enjoy a male companion with a Ph.D., an M.A., no college but lots of smarts, or an M.D. In other words, I don’t “rule out” on education (or breed).

However, I also know that a dog that can’t be house-broken, or one that bites, or one that’s too abused to be able to enjoy people isn’t a good choice, any more than a man with too much emotional baggage, or a set of bad habits such as addiction, is also not a good choice. I will “rule out” on those parameters.

There’s a kind of list that works, and a kind that doesn’t. If you spend some time doing your homework, you’ll have better luck. Learn how to make a list that works, and develop your intuition. Then you can date in an emotionally intelligent way.

Why be tree that bends so it doesn’t break? Because you might meet someone who would be an outstanding life partner for you who doesn’t happen to have something that’s on your list. In other words, be flexible about your list.

Generally speaking, you can bend on almost anything except a character or personality trait, and you can even bend on a personality trait if there’s enough good in relationship. For instance, more than one client I’ve worked with has found out that “boring” man they were considering turned out to have sort of stable, consistent personality traits that made for a good life partner, and that a pretty face is just another pretty face.

Look beneath surface and have a list that allows for what really counts.

Good luck!

3. Prepare to tell a story. Everyone enjoys a good story and it often triggers a memory for them to reciprocate one in return. Here is one of my stories that may help you trigger some memories for yourself. So you can begin planning some of your stories.

This back dates to when I was 5. I love telling stories about my childhood; I was adventurous and really quite devious.

I had not long started school, (I wasn’t particularly fond of school when I first started, in fact I even told my mother on first day of returning home from school that they didn’t need me to go anymore, I told her they already had enough kids in class).

We were living in a house on stilts is what I’d call it. But back in those days, they were pretty popular (the-in-thing). There were two stairways. One was through back door and one through to front door.

My brother, Daniel was a few years younger then myself so he would wait at home for me each day by front door, but would never see me come through it. So curiosity got better of him and he asked me how I get inside house after I finish school each day.

I told him I had magical powers and that I could walk through walls. He was totally amazed and asked if I could give him power to walk through walls as well. I obliged, waved my hands around a bit and said “there, now you got power too, what you got to do is run as fast as you can into wall”.

You could just imagine his disappointment when he planted face first into wall only to discover there was no magical power of walking through walls ;-)

© Joanne King - http://www.anxiety-panic-free.com/approachwomen.html