Fathers who say no to their kids on a fairly regular basis take a big step towards ensuring that their kids are happy, responsible, and successful.

Here are some specific actions that dads can take:

•If you’re married, consult with your wife about what your dose of “N” word will be. Creating a unified front will strengthen your position and cause fewer conflicts.

•Never do things for your children that they can do for themselves. Allow them to be frustrated and to learn to be more resilient.

•Consider an allowance for your kids, even if they’re quite young, so that they can develop a sense of responsibility with money and a sense of taking care of their things.

•Take stock of your children’s possessions. Do they have way too many things? Are their some things that might be better suited for Goodwill?

•Foster an environment of appreciation for things you have. Model this appreciation in how you care for things you own and how you use them.

•Limit number and price of gifts your kids receive at holidays and parties. Donate or give away gifts that they aren’t very interested in. Talk to your relatives and friends if necessary about what you’re trying to do.

It’s difficult at times to see your kids’ struggle with many challenges of being young and inexperienced. Frustration is a constant companion of kids as they learn many skills and demands of living their lives.

Fathers can make an extremely important choice for themselves and their children when these frustrating moments arise. They can see opportunity for their kids to learn from these moments by having to work through these feelings.

Fathers who are really interested in success of their kids are motivated by doing what works for their kids in long run.

Fathers who are interested in having their kids “feel good” much of time and who feel good themselves when they can “rescue” their kids from frustrating feelings are more interested in being savior.

The message here comes in loud and clear for your kids: Your dad doesn’t think you can handle this.

Remember that some day your kids will figure these things out for themselves.

When they do, they’ll thank you for allowing them to struggle.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers” (http://www.markbrandenburg.com/e_book.htm#secrets. For more great tips and action steps for fathers, sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, “Dads, Don’t Fix Your Kids,” at http://www.markbrandenburg.com

The result of this sense of overwhelm for men can be any number of reactions, including: disengagement, silent treatment, angry outbursts, or excessive attention to work. Of course, everyone loses when these reactions become commonplace. And truth is that these reactions can be improved upon and eventually avoided.

Here are five ideas to help in dealing with overwhelm with your family:

1. Raise your standards: Stop blaming others for your overwhelm, this only makes things worse. Commit yourself to improving your own skills in dealing with overwhelm and realize that it always starts with you.

2. Take time outs. These will help to put some perspective to situation and they’ll also show your kids you’re working on it. You can’t expect your kids to work on their “stuff” if you don’t work on your own.

3. Plan ahead and train your kids. A lot of stressful situations can be avoided by being prepared. Get things ready night before and be very consistent with routines.

4. Raise bar for yourself by having your wife or kids (or both) keep you accountable. Tell them to remind you if they see you getting overwhelmed and angry. Then do what’s necessary for you to create a healthier response.

5. Use a well-practiced and routine relaxation response for your overwhelm. Whether it’s deep breathing or counting to ten, have a tool to use when going gets tough. It beats yelling any day.

Fathers are often fixers of things in their household. While not an easy task, flooding that fathers feel during overwhelm is a fixable problem.

The choice is clear: point fingers at your family or deal with your own issues?

What do you think is best for your family?