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Re-think being nice.
People-pleasing is a learned behavior that can be unlearned. Although habits may be deeply engrained, small changes can make a huge difference. Next time you’re asked to volunteer, instead of jumping in with a "Yes", say, instead, "I’ll get back to you on that." You will come to understand that "no" is a complete sentence, and you can utter
word! If you can’t imagine doing this, use this "fake it till you make it trick"...tell yourself that you’re taking care of your children’s father, your mother’s daughter or your pet’s owner.
Take care of yourself every day.
Get exercise, nutrition and rest every day. Do something that recharges your batteries every day no matter what. It’s a cliché, but when you’re on a plane you’re instructed to put on your own mask before taking care of others.
Bring an advocate with you to doctor.
Engaging in acts of self-care, like going to doctor, can feel like swimming upstream to a people-pleaser. Being nice takes form of being a good patient who doesn’t make waves.
Here is something critical to remember: You are not there to take care of your doctor; your doctor is there to take care of you. In past you may have made your medical choices by raising your antennae and tuning into what you think will make your doctor happy. You certainly want your doctor’s opinion, and in most cases you will agree with your doctor’s recommendations. Sometimes getting good care means making waves, like asking , "What are other treatment options?" or requesting a more complete explanation or seeking a second medical opinion.
While it’s always a good idea to take a second set of listening ears to a doctor appointment, it’s particularly important if you’re a people-pleaser. An advocate will assure that you and your health care team stay focused on taking care of you.
Accept help.
People-pleasers can give from dawn to dusk, but they rarely accept help, even when they’re sick. When I ask my patients who are people-pleasers how it feels to help a friend struggling with illness, answer is a broad smile. Then I remind them that when they accept help, they give their friends a chance to have those same good feelings.
If you are a people-pleaser, your heart might be racing. I assure you I’m not asking to give up serving others. I’m suggesting that a healthy life is a life in balance, and I encourage you to treat yourself as nicely as you treat others. When you take care of yourself, you offer us gift of most fully who you are. Then you can really serve.
It's more important than ever to take an active role in your healthcare. The best way to get top-quality, safe and effective healthcare is to actively and knowledgably participate. Visit http://www.MedicalBridges.com for tools to get you there.
Copyright © Vicki Rackner MD, 2005
Vicki Rackner, MD, president of Medical Bridges, is a board- certified surgeon who left the operating room to help employees become active participants in their health care. She is a consultant, speaker and author of the *Personal Health Journal*, and author/editor of *Chicken Soup for the Healthy Heart Soul." Dr. Rackner can be reached at http://www.MedicalBridges.com or (425) 451-3777.
