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Automation of public nuisance was inevitable. As cities expanded, it was getting harder and harder for public nuisance to be everywhere at once and provide adequate disturbance to entire population.
It was also very inefficient to have individual public nuisances repeating same tasks in each part of town.
And then there was issue of quality control. Who would ensure that all public nuisances were serving community to same standards? Who would ensure accountability and integrity? Some public nuisances have been known to take payola.
"Hey. You. What's that stench?"
"I'm just cracking a few eggs to throw at your house."
"Why at my house? What did I do?"
"Nothing. But you have a fancy house and I figured you would be most willing to provide me an incentive to throw them somewhere else."
"What!? This is extortion!"
"I see. Well, Smithers down road has been way too uppity this week, so here's a little something to go be a his public nuisance tonight."
"Thank you, Sir. It's been a pleasure disturbing you."
I was stumped. I really had no idea how to end this column. "Maybe public nuisance should be a she," I mused
"Why a she?" my wife asked.
"Because people complain if I just assume my characters are "he". The trouble is, whenever I make them "she", somebody wants to know why I'm picking on women."
"They would if you make public nuisance a woman," my wife observed.
"Are you saying women are never nuisances?"
"Everybody knows that you men cause all public disturbances," my wife poked me.
"That's because men get bored you women try on more clothes and more clothes and more clothes. We are just trying to keep things interesting"
"Men have such a short attention span..."
Suddenly I knew how to end column: In our household, we have no need for a public nuisance – automated or manual. We each have our own private nuisance, whom we love very much.
"That's no way to end a column," my private nuisance insisted. "Why not tell them about how you would get rid of public nuisances once and for all?"
"Shhh. Don't tell them. That's next week's column."
David Leonhardt is a freelance writer http://www.seo-writer.net/freelance/writer.html And an SEO consultant: http://www.seo-writer.net/freelance/seo-consultant.html He is author of Climb Your Stairway to Heaven http://www.iuniverse.com/bookstore/book_detail.asp?isbn=0-595-17826-X Read more personal growth articles: http://www.thehappyguy.com/self-actualization-articles.html