CLARIFYING RESPONSIBILITY FOR REALITY

a. The other is to blame.

We are each responsible for reality we create within and around us. If we are not happy, it is because we are allowing our attachments, aversions, expectations and to obstruct our happiness.

A main problem in our relationships is that we often blame other when we are not happy or secure. When something goes wrong, we seek to pass blame because we find it difficult to accept our own mistakes and weaknesses.

We also expect other to fill our emptiness in ways that he or she cannot. The other cannot create our happiness, security or feelings of self-worth. When we do not get what we need from other, we feel hurt and angry, and usually resort to blaming other.

Because of this, we can get locked into power games, in which each tries to control, change and correct other, neither wanting to be corrected. A bitter battle of wills ensues which defies real, sincere communication, as each blames without listening to what other is saying.

If we expect that other is going to supply what we are missing in ourselves, we are in for an unpleasant surprise. We must take responsibility for our health, happiness, harmony, fulfillment and general state of affairs in our lives. The key to finding happiness and harmony we seek is to stop trying to change others and change ourselves from within.

b. I am to blame...

The opposite side to this belief system is that we are responsible for others. If they are not happy, healthy, successful, and most of all, not satisfied with us, we feel we are to blame. We feel we have failed in role of love partner, child, parent or sibling, and are susceptible to feelings of self-rejection, guilt and shame.

When we feel this way, we often turn on others and blame them for not doing what they should have done to be healthy, happy, successful, so that we can feel okay in our role of "being responsible for their reality."

The responsibility problem has two sides: "They are responsible for my reality" and "I am responsible for their reality." Both are illusions that lead to conflicts and unhappiness. We will dedicate another article to this matter.

This article will be continued in two more parts, which will cover following aspects of creating a conscious love relationship: Communication Common Activities Keep Learning and Growing Spiritual Activities Distinguish Between Other and His Behavior. See Other as Your Teacher. Keeping Promises Unconditional Love Reaching Out Beyond Relationship Develop Your Own Relationship with Divine.

(Adapted from forthcoming "Relationships of Conscious Love" by Robert Elias Najemy. His book "The Psychology of Happiness" (ISBN 0-9710116-0-5) is available at http://www.amazon.com and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com. His writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can also download FREE articles and e-books.

If we do not become enamored by sensation of light, by bliss of this energy which charges through our system, then we may sink a little deeper into vast nothingness from which spring of life flows.

Here there is not even energy; no body, no mind, no light, no sound - absolute nothingness - total vacuum - only tremendous potential unmanifest Divine Consciousness, from which all life and material creation flows.

COMING BACK TO THE SURFACE

The sound of chirping birds greets you as you slowly float to surface. The branches dancing in wind wave «hello». The sounds of insects buzzing and water splashing salute you with a «welcome back friend, you are part of us now».

It takes a while to remember where you are. You were only gone 20 minutes, but it seems you have been in this spot all your life. The mind is clear, refreshed and in present.

There is nothing to do but take off your clothes and go swimming.

Have you ever been to this quiet stream in countryside?

Most everyone has - either to a stream, river, mountain, sea, or forest. And how well and rejuvenated we feel when we return. Somehow everything is more alive, more harmonious.

It may not take long, however, to discharge all that energy and clarity. Once again we become upset, nervous and bored.

Can we go to stream every day? It certainly would be nice, and life would be much less complicated. Of course for most of us it is completely impractical in terms of time, money and availability of such places - especially to those of us who live in city.

Well, Mother Nature has a secret for us. We don?t have to go anywhere at all. The stream of life, that place of peace and source of strength, knowledge and harmony - lies right inside every one of us.

What is meditation? It is nothing more than visiting this stream on a daily basis. Simply it is sinking dance into our sea of consciousness, releasing submerged stresses and coming to point of inner stillness where there is no object of consciousness - but consciousness itself.

Done regularly, this inward dance leaves us fresh, more alert, relaxed, creative, healthy, and more in tune with ourselves and our environment.

The truth of these statements has been proved both subjectively and objectively through experimentation. Studies have been made on meditators and non-meditators over years with respect to blood pressure, pulse and reaction time as well as with states of fulfillment and creativity expressed subjectively by participants.

Hundreds of thousands of people today in all walks of life are finding that no matter what their goals, motivations, responsibilities or problems may be, they are able to act more clearly, more efficiently and more successfully with aid of regular meditation.

Ultimately, only way to know if meditation will be useful for you is to give it a try. To spend some time each day in «dance of soul».

For more information on meditation visit http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/research/meditation.html

(Adapted from forthcoming "The Art of Meditation" by Robert Elias Najemy. His book "The Psychology of Happiness" (ISBN 0-9710116-0-5) is available at http://www.amazon.com and http://www.HolisticHarmony.com. His writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where you can also download FREE articles and e-books.